A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, August 16, 2014

First Vegetables of the Season

It’s been a cooler than usual August, which I think is one reason why my tomatoes are taking longer to ripen. Well, that and the fact that I got a late start in planting them, but farmer laziness should not be an excuse. It works for me, but I won’t allow my tomatoes to fall down on the job.

Below are photos of the first tomatoes - cherry and big boy - harvested from my garden. Still waiting for the red and orange peppers to ripen, but I’ll give them a few more weeks. I do not give any special treatment to my fruits; water every other day from my water barrel when it doesn’t rain, and fed once a week with Miracle Gro©.

The last photo shows the remnants of a store bought tomato next to my first tomato (cut open). Notice the meaty, rich red texture of my home grown tomato next to the pale, puny specimen from the local Aldi. Not that I’m bragging…

Upon further consideration, we now believe that the store bough tomato was imported into the country in the pants pockets of a young boy from El Salvador escaping abuse and harassment from the hands of the local drug lords. Hey, kid, your journey didn’t get you very far, did it? You thought you were coming to a country that would welcome you with open arms and the opportunity for unlimited prosperity. HA! Boy, are you wrong!

Here you are finding near universal revulsion and rejection. You want the chance for a good education, which you believe will land you a good job? HA! You’ll be lucky to get a soccer ball from Glenn Beck. 

You should have kept walking until you got to Iraq. There you could have made your way to that mountaintop where the Kurds and Yazidis are trapped. There you could have gotten relief supplies dropped there by the USA! You can’t get it here in the USA, but you can get it in Iraq! Go figure!

Always remember kids: location, location, location!

Um. Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, aren’t my tomatoes lovely?

(Thank you for reading. In keeping with our current national policy to deny relief to the social refugees massing on our southern border, no tomatoes for you!)


Anonymous Janey said...

If you have a spare homegrown tomato or two, please remember you old college pal, Janey! :-) The tomato is one of few healthy foods I'll eat -- and love!

Are you and WQ free for brunch next weekend?

August 16, 2014 at 9:16 AM  
Blogger Fearsome Beard said...

Mine are all still green. And I'm green with envy.

August 16, 2014 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

Nothing better than a homegrown tomato!

August 16, 2014 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Your legal tomato is beautiful!

August 16, 2014 at 11:53 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

Homegrown tomatoes are some of the best things in life. I miss them so! I used to grow hundreds each year, with a variety of varieties. Oh! what bliss!

August 19, 2014 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi Janey...we will have a few for you to take home.

Your patience should be rewarded soon, Fearsome Beard!

Hi Bob, yes, this year's variety is very meaty and red. I'm very happy with them so far.

Thank you Nadege for the compliment.

Ur-spo: "Well, boss,I feel pretty sorry for you walking around without a breeder's guide..." I mean tomato crop. Hope you're enjoying your trip up north!

August 21, 2014 at 7:32 AM  

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