arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Chief O’Hara’s Performance Review



The weekend arrived, which gave me more time to spend with Oreo, who is still more or less ensconced in our basement. She is getting braver, venturing into the living room when we keep the basement door open for extended periods of time. Otherwise, she is, for all intents and purposes, still our basement cat, which means she gets to watch all the television she wants as that is where the only television hooked up to cable in the house is located.

Saturday morning dawned, and we watched another old episode of Batman as we enjoyed an extended petting session. I pondered one scene from the episode later in the day, when suddenly my muses reappeared after a several month’s absence.  (Rumor has it that they spent much of the time lounging near a pool at the Phoenix home of a certain blogger we know, swilling Windexes and scarfing down live scorpions dipped in Hunt's Ketchup…but I digress.)

The scene dealt with Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara, extolling the virtues of Batman, when it got a little weird…

Gordon: Batman is certainly a credit to our city.

O’Hara: He certainly makes my job easier!

Gordon: And that can’t get much easier than it already is, can it?

O’Hara: Uh, what do you mean?

Gordon: I mean it’s time for your annual performance review! Chief, do you do anything all day except hang around my office?

O’Hara: Well, I…

Gordon: Did you have any collars within the last year? Oh, and when was the 
last time you even saw the inside of a squad car?

O’Hara: Good question? Now that I think about it, it was 1947.

Gordon: 1947! From what I’ve seen, all you have done in the last few years is sit on my couch and exclaim, “Saints preserve us!” "Mother Macree!” “What the dibble?” What is a dibble anyway?

O’Hara: Actually it’s devil. I’m saying, “What the devil,” but in my adorable thick Irish brogue it comes out dibble.

Gordon: Which reminds me, your thick Irish brogue is annoying! You’re what, fourth/fifth generation American? When are you going to stop sounding like a potato farmer from County Cork and start talking with a New York accent, man?

O’Hara: Sorry that my accent is annoying, but at least I’m not pretentious to the point of sitting around the set all day and bragging about working with the great D.W. Griffith!

Gordon: And what’s so pretentious about reminiscing about one of the giants of our industry?

O’Hara: That man was a racist! Everyone knew it!

Gordon: No one talks about the great D.W. that way and gets away with it!  Put up your dukes, potato eater! (KAPOW!)

O’Hara: With pleasure, ham actor! (BIFF!)

Announcer: What’s this? A grudge match between two veteran character actors? (BAM!) Will they settle their differences in time to move the story forward? Will the Dynamic Duo appear in this week’s episode at all? (CRASH!) Tune in tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel! (OOF!)

(MUSIC UP AND FADE)

(Thank you for reading. As I said, it got a little weird…)

3 Comments:

Blogger Raybeard said...

After reading that I'm wondering if I'm the one who is zonked out!

And please don't let Oreo get any ideas by watching episodes featuring Catwoman.

July 29, 2014 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

weird with a beard as we say.

July 30, 2014 at 12:31 AM  
Anonymous Janey said...

I think the extended petting session is where it got weird...

July 30, 2014 at 6:31 AM  

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