A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Monday, April 13, 2015

Warrior Queen – Ant Killer, or Springtime in Southeast Pennsylvania

The moderating temperatures have finally caught up with the calendar and we can now say that spring is here.

(Wow! Now there’s an opening worthy of Fox News meteorologist John Bolaris.  Maybe we should try a different angle…)

Spring! Wonderful spring! Buds popping everywhere heralding the coming blossoms and pollen and allergies and…

(And allergies are going to be a bitch this year. Let’s try another tact!)

Hi Spring!

(Close enough for Monday morning blogging.)

The first Easter without Mom passed without too many pangs of grief. The sight of Easter lilies marked down for final sale at the grocery store last week reminded me of my Easter tradition. I would always bring a lily to Mom, one with a blossom already opened, and four or five other buds which would open later in the week. The smile on her face when I gave the plant to her will from now on be nothing more than a memory.

Now we head into warmer weather. It still seems to be wintery cold in the morning here, but a few days last week saw temperatures hover around the 70 degree mark. If we can only keep those temperatures for the next few months with the present humidity levels at 39%.... Now those are conditions I can live with, but it will never happen. 
Anyway, the residents of Chez Gunther have begun doing something which I never thought we would do: spring cleaning. Warrior Queen has cleared the top shelf of our kitchen cabinets of long lost plastic containers, souvenir adult sippy cups, and other items we have neglected to use in years because, well, because we put them on the top shelf out of reach of our puny arms. Access to this plastic ware is not possible without reaching for the step stool and, let’s face it, if you have to go to the trouble of getting out a step stool, then you may want to stop and ask yourself if it’s worth the trouble.

She is also clearing out closet space; old clothes are being bagged and board games which we bought years ago and are still sealed are being boxed for donation. I’ll be sorry to see the board games go, particularly since board games are making a comeback in a backlash against the popularity of video games. On the other hand, if we haven’t gotten around to even removing the seal after 20 years, then perhaps it’s best to let them go to a better home. All of these items are now piling up on our porch, waiting for a local charity to pick them up.

Next, WQ proceeded to the upstairs bathroom to seek out the origin of our ant problem. Yes, we’ve had thousands of the tiny buggers in our house since the beginning of the year, crawling on the kitchen counter, the powder room floor, and in and out of the food left behind by the cats in their dishes. We responded with spray on the counter, stomping on the floor, and discarding the cat food. In recent weeks, they had retreated to the upstairs bathroom where they found lots of places to crawl and, surprise, to lay about a million eggs.

Last Friday, WQ lifted the maroon shag bath rug and discovered Antopolis, or the United States of Ants! There were hundreds of the buggers going about their business under the rug; WQ swore she caught two of them in flagrante delecto, which means her vision must be fabulous since these creatures are no more than one-sixteenth of an inch long. And she has never had cataract surgery…which is a better record than me.

She also surmised that the rug was one massive incubation and maternity ward for future generations of ants. The rug went into the garbage - ant eggs and all - after 15 years of faithful service catching the drips of water from our post-shower bodies. Then she evicted the adults. Actually, eviction is a mild term for what actually happened.

WQ sprayed the floor with a well-known ant killer spray. She did this with great relish and, I dare say, accompanied her action with diabolical laughter. The poor creatures never had a chance!

The spring cleaning will most likely continue for a few more weeks. I have some things to contribute to the donation pile, but until this is over I think I’ll keeping moving around the house and not stay in one spot long enough to be mistaken for an object worthy of donation.  It can happen…just ask the ants.

(Thank you for reading. Trivial Pursuit anyone?)


Blogger Raybeard said...

Now I'm feeling itchy ALL over!

April 14, 2015 at 1:53 AM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

Trivial Pursuit? (Just noticed) Oh, I just LURVE Gen. Know. quizzes, but never have anyone to play against. (I'll leave that comment hanging there.....)

April 14, 2015 at 1:56 AM  
Blogger anne marie in philly said...

it was an ORGY, I tells ya! the little bastards were singing "stroke me, stroke me" as I killed them and their eggs. bwhahahahahahaha!

April 14, 2015 at 11:21 AM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

Oh, A.M., didn't you even feel the teeny-weeniest touch of sympathy for them in their plight, the dear, blameless, little things?

April 15, 2015 at 1:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Easter lilies marked down for final sale and the memory of the person for whom they were intended, put me in a melancholy mood. But then you brightened it up, painting an image of WQ going to war with the ants, and her weapon of choice - ant killer. I believe these ants will think twice before they invade your home again.I

Hope you are never mistaken for "an object worthy of donation."

April 16, 2015 at 5:36 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi Raybeard! Sorry for the discomfort. Now you can appreciate what I have to put up with. Warrior Queen loves her cats; all other life forms beware!

Thank you Anonymous. I must remember to keep moving so I don't end up on the truck with the board games!

April 19, 2015 at 9:40 AM  

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