A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, December 31, 2016

GTFOoH 2016

It is very early on the last day of what many people believe was the worst year in recent memory.  The cats are fed and contentedly staking out their morning nap positions.  Warrior Queen has arisen, and yes, there is the coffee bell being rung for her daily ration of “happy juice.”

Now a second longer ringing since I did not hop to it while I finished that last sentence.  Pardon me while I play fetch...

Okay, I’m back.  WQ has her coffee and all is right with the world.  No, I take that back.  It’s still 2016 for 17 more hours, so how can there be anything right with the world? 

WQ has just announced that Auckland will see the New Year within minutes from now.  Oh whoopty doo!  And the sunrise will instantly bring lollipops and rainbows back to our lives. 

Now allow me to go full grumpy on this thought:  I’ve never been big for lollipops, and rainbows could be a metaphor for all of mankind’s lofty endeavors, shining bright and colorful just to fade too quickly into memory.

Okay, I went full grumpy and I am still in a kvetching mood.

The year’s end will happen with many of us despairing over the approaching onslaught against our nation’s character.  We won’t remember this year fondly.  It will be the year which we can point to and say, “Yes, that’s the time when every inch of progress made in the last 8 years, nay, 50 years, started to go into reverse.”

2016 will be remembered more for losses than anything else.  Oh sure, the Cubs finally won the World Series, but beyond that, the tallies in the other column dwarf their accomplishment.  The human toll was particularly heavy this year, with the music industry taking a bigger hit than usual. 

We lost many of our jukebox heroes since the year started.  Some gave up the ghost after too many years in the fast lane (Glenn Frey); others were allowed to age and slip away gracefully (David Bowie and Leonard Cohen).  At least one was a genius who perhaps saw the writing on the wall and bowed out without having to withstand the indignity of old age (Prince).   So we mourn our loss with each passing and envy them at the same time.  Lucky bastards are in a better place now.

So for the rest of us, what is to be done except make the best of it.  In my immediate future (tonight) I will probably drink more than usual and console myself with what one blogger friend considers nasty chips and a big bowl of dip. Yet even as I will do this and expose my body to the instant gratification of sensations that are bad for me, I wish there was something more cathartic I could do to mark the year.

Oh, allow me to celebrate the occasion with one very cruel, inhumane thought: if 2016 were human we could tie it to a wheelchair and push it off the top of a long flight of steps!

What?  Oh come on!  We were all thinking it!

Are you still here 2016?   GET THE EFF OUT OF HERE! 

(Thank you for reading and Happy New Year.  Oh and 2016, don’t even think about coming back!)


Blogger Bob said...


December 31, 2016 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

I can't recall the last time we had an approaching New Year so full of such forebodings as we are experiencing right now. You've got the 'T' which would normally be more than enough alone, while we've additionally got Brexit (which hasn't even been started yet!) as well as the undoubted havoc that the 'T' is going to bring to the whole world, politically, environmentally and God-knows-what else as he cosies up to best friend Vlad the ImPUTINer. Fasten your safety belts - it's gonna be.......!

Btw: I hadn't realised that W.Q. was bed-ridden such that she needs to be waited on. I do hope she gets better PDQ. ;-)

Happy New Year (we can but hope) to all FIVE of you!

December 31, 2016 at 10:14 AM  
Blogger Fearsome Beard said...

...disclaimer...Seeing that I'm a gay man lollipops and rainbows are something of which I am rather fond, but yes I am a gay man.
May all of our 2017 be better!

December 31, 2016 at 10:29 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

TY Bob for all your comments this past year.

Hi Raybeard. No, WQ is not at all bedridden. I had given her a bell labeled "Ring for Coffee" as a Valentine's Day gift a few years ago as a gag gift. Alas, the joke has been on me every morning since. She comes down in the morning, sits on her end of the couch (much like Sheldon Cooper has his couch place on The Big Bang Theory), and rings her bell. I, on the other hand, have already been up for an hour, started brewing the coffee, and at the moment she rings the bell I am usually found not more than five feet away reading the digital edition of The Philadelphia Inquirer. If I do not jump up right away from my reading the bell is clanged a second time. Now you know more about our morning routine. I hope this clarifies my story.

Thank you Fearsome Beard. We are all hoping for better in 2017.

December 31, 2016 at 3:48 PM  
Anonymous Janey Jingles said...

If I ring a bell will you be my bitch too?

December 31, 2016 at 4:08 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Janey, I believe this has already happened! I remember the morning well...i woke up on the floor of the Moonglow with a cat curled up on my chest. Now there's a nice memory....

December 31, 2016 at 5:45 PM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

I'd guessed that the W.Q. situation was something like that, RTG, though not in so much detail as you've now explained. Maybe my 'winkie' wasn't prominent enough.

It's now 7 hours into 2017 here - and seeing as we've survived thus far maybe there IS hope for us yet!

January 1, 2017 at 1:59 AM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

May 2017 be good to you and yours.

January 1, 2017 at 1:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish you and yours much happiness in this year of 2017.

January 1, 2017 at 3:00 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Spo and Lon for your wishes. May 2017 be good to you as well.

January 4, 2017 at 6:45 AM  

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