A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, February 02, 2020

Sunday Morning Post (V.2, #5) - 02/02/2020

It is Groundhog Day, the annual celebration when the loopiest members of our society puts all of their weather forecasting faith in a small rodent in western Pennsylvania.  In past years Punxsutawney Phil would have the spotlight all to himself.  This year he was upstaged by Moscow Mitch.

As we all know by now Moscow Mitch emerged from this shell on Friday and did not see his shadow.  Astute observers believe this means 9 more months of government corruption, unlimited Presidential power for the immediate future, increased expansion of the swamp, and an overall malaise on such concepts as truth and justice indefinitely.  Of course, none of this is disconcerting to Mitch, because he believes his side is still winning.  The joke’s on him: the traditional Republican Party has ceased to exist.

I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be rooting for conservatives to take back the GOP.  Yet here I am hoping that the PAC founded by George Conway (spouse of White House spokesperson Kellyanne), the recent declarations of New Republic editor William Kristol and Senator Mitt Romney (you remember him) will get the GOP back on their traditional track of fiscal conservatism and overall nastiness to those less fortunate than themselves.

Good luck, gentleman! 

So, onto another topic we have no control over: the weather and our dear rodent weather predictor.  I watched the proceedings from Punxsutawney this morning and I won’t even give out a spoiler alert.  Phil did not see his shadow and “predicted” an early spring.  This year’s prediction was fixed; fixed like a Senate impeachment trial.

Phil was pulled, willingly or not, from his mid-winter slumber, held aloft to the thousands of cheering humans who ventured to Gobbler’s Notch,  placed on top of his hutch where the dozen or so top-hatted members of the Groundhog Council encouraged/cajoled/begged the critter to move towards one of two scrolled proclamations.   Phil didn’t move a muscle, save for his jaw continually chewing on something.  Finally, a human hand from one of the council members pushed one of the scrolls towards Phil and that was deemed good enough for everyone at the scene.

And that’s how Phil predicted an early spring on this palindrome date of 02/02/2020.   

This prediction was really a no-brainer.  The daily temperatures here in Pennsylvania have been overall above average since the winter solstice.   We’ve had maybe—maybe—an inch of snow in that entire time.  There have been very below freezing days the last few months.  It’s not so much signs of an early spring as a sign that winter never bothered to show up at all!

Oh, I forgot to mention that snowflakes were falling on Phil when he made his prediction this morning.   Fix, fix, fix!

Uh? What? There’s a football game today?

(Thank you for reading.   Happy Early Spring everyone!)


Blogger Bob said...

I think Phil also saw _____ being voted from office along with Moscow Mitch and Leningrad Lindsey.

February 2, 2020 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

Re: Weather.
This is the first Winter I can recall where, wherever I happened to live at the time, we've got so far into a Winter without my having seen one single flake of snow (yet?), not even one falling to the ground and immediately melting. Same for most of England so far. And the forecast for the next two weeks here, which is usually pretty accurate, tells that it's unlikely to happen during up to past mid-Feb, if it's to happen at all. I think that yours and my experiences could well be a yet further indication (though hardly needed) of climate change. Disliking the cold, I rejoice in a selfish way for the short term, but NOT for the future and for future generations - THAT's what gives me the shivers!

February 2, 2020 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger Debra She Who Seeks said...

Impeach Punxsutawney Phil!

February 2, 2020 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger Dave R said...

Oh... is there a football game today?
I liked the comparison of Moscow Mitch to Phil, both are rodents, but we need to get an exterminator for the big one.

February 2, 2020 at 7:20 PM  
Anonymous Old Lurker said...

Ugh. I hate how ambiguous our date notation is. 02/02/2020? Is that supposed to be Feb 2 or Feb 2? Why can't we be civilized and adopt ISO 8601 format? 2020-02-02 is unambiguous so long as you realize that it sorts nicely.

February 2, 2020 at 7:52 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

I heard tell the marmot is right only 36% of the time and one is better off flipping a coin.

February 2, 2020 at 9:18 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Oops! Sorry for the delay in responding to this week's commenters...

Let's hope Phil did see that, Bob.

I agree Raybeard. I don't mind the warmer season, but at the same time I'm reminded of Hattie McDaniels line in Gone With The Wind: "Tain't fittin'!"

Thank you, Debra. He did see an early spring this year. Let's just censure him.

Thank you, Dave R. Perhaps the voters will be Mitch's exterminator this year.

February 6, 2020 at 6:16 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Old Lurker, but I think we're used to this system by now.

Actually Spo, the 36 percentage might be a bit high for his actual success rate.

February 6, 2020 at 6:22 AM  

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