A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Sunday, February 14, 2021

Sunday Morning Post (V.3, #7): Four Commerative Days In A Row

There are four significant dates celebrated in western culture every year in the late winter.  One is a special day to renew our thoughts of affection to our significant others.  One is an actual holiday memorializing all Presidents of the United States.  Another is a day of debauchery prior to a season of atonement on the Christian calendar. The next day is the actual beginning of the atonement.

In most years, these dates happen all on their own, oblivious to the existence and significance of the others.  This year, these days happen one after the other in a row.

February 14: Valentine’s Day

The annual rite of amour falls on a Sunday this year, which seems to be more in keeping to its original roots in Christianity.  More recently it has become an excuse to give your loved ones gifts of chocolates, flowers, and make the Hallmark Corporation and local car dealerships fat and happy.  In past years, it would coincide with the three-day President’s Day weekend and our annual winter break trip to Ocean City, Maryland.  Warrior Queen and I had to stop this annual rite once we bought a house that came with a mortgage.

Still, we celebrate the sentiments with small tokens of affection.  WQ got the obligatory chocolates and a few other things she could really use.  I have not been out to the liquor store in a few months, but a trip is coming up soon.  WQ has drank the last of her Bluecoat Gin.

February 15: President’s Day

This was originally the day all of us public school children got off to celebrate the anniversary of George Washington’s birth.  It was incorporated into a Monday holiday by an act of Congress, back when Congress was an actual productive entity.  It is now intended to honor all Presidents as revered human beings and make local car dealerships fat and happy.

I would like to suggest that we use the day going forward to honor 44 presidents and their dedication to the US Constitution.  President #45 is not worth the American people giving him the time of day.

February 16: Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday)

This is the traditional day to tank up on food, liquor and other acts of debauchery before the onset of the Lenten calendar with its obligatory call for sacrifice.  This usually translates into a big party in the Big Easy.  Sadly, this is the year of COVID-19 and the party with its accompanying parade is being cancelled.  So, no floats, no debauchery, and certainly no awarding of stringed beads to those members of the human race judged to have the nicest breasts.

Eff you, COVID-19!

February 17: Ash Wednesday

A day which launches a six-week period of sacrifice, fasting, introspection into one’s soul, and theoretically atonement.  Oddly, this is one day of the year which American car dealerships have not figured out a way to make a fast buck.  Ditto for the Hallmark Corporation.

I will not be observing any rites of sacrament on this day, as it is a normal work day for me.  So, let’s enjoy these days while we can!  Everyone fatten up!

(Thank you for reading.  Or are these days just numbers?)


Blogger anne marie in philly said...

to mistress maddie - DON'T FAINT! yes, to be outta gin is a crime against humanity.

February 14, 2021 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger Debra She Who Seeks said...

I read an article that people in New Orleans are decorating the outside of their houses like Mardi Gras floats this year. The idea is that people can safely walk around outside and look at the houses instead.

February 14, 2021 at 12:31 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

heavens! I forgot all about Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday !

February 14, 2021 at 5:20 PM  
Blogger Bob said...

"President #45 is not worth the American people giving him the time of day."


February 14, 2021 at 5:51 PM  
Blogger uptonking said...

VD is the only one I really celebrate. But love all the mattress ads on TV. And Ash Wednesday... I once took out a personal ad on that day... but I called it something other than Ash. Hee hee.

February 14, 2021 at 6:00 PM  
Blogger Dave R said...

I do believe in the list of presidents #45 will never get past the * stage of recognition.

February 14, 2021 at 7:55 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Yes, Debra, I've seen photos of one house with the tentacles of a kraken coming out of the second story windows. Very imaginative!.

Yes, Spo, they all came on top of each other this year. It would be easy to miss.

Thank ou, Bob. It felt good to type that sentence.

Thank you uptonking. Hope you had a nice Valentine's Day.

That'll still be more than he deserves, Dave R.

February 16, 2021 at 5:47 AM  

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