The Password Is Definitely Not ‘Swordfish’

Time: Friday, March 24, 2006

Place: Somewhere in Western Pennsylvania

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

Man Behind Door (MBD): Password!

Man at Door (MAD): Um...we can win the war in Iraq.

MBD: Shh, don’t use the word ‘war’. Come in! Got your admission?

MAD: What?

MBD: Your million-dollar check made out to the Re-Elect Rick Santorum campaign! Have you got it?

MAD: Oh, yeah. Here. Gee, this is sort of an out-of-the-way place for a campaign fundraiser.

MBD: Yeah, well, the President wanted to come out to support the Senator, but we wanted to do this out of sight of certain people.

MAD: The American people?

MBD: No, no, no. The liberal media. God, how I hate those people.

MAD: Oh, I see the President! He’s sitting on the other side of the room from the Senator. Aren’t they speaking to each other?

MBD: Well, sort of. The President’s numbers are low, and nothing’s going right for him. The Senator wants people to know he is his own man, that the President doesn’t own him.

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

MBD: Password!

Second MAD: Password? Hey, have you got women in there? Are you paying them to...?

MBD: No, no. They’re paying us. A million-dollar check gets you in.

(LONG PAUSE)

Second MAD: What kind of party is going on in there?

MBD: The Republican Party!

Second MAD: Oh. Look, I just came up from the front desk. Your first hour is up. If you want to rent this room for another hour, I’ll need $29.99...cash!

MBD: Umm...do you have change for a million dollars?