Last Weekend (or Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain)
Historical theory: the following conversation may not have taken place, but could have taken place on July 23, 2007.
Place: The White House, Washington, DC.
Karl: “Hey, Dick! How was your weekend?”
Dick: “Great, Karl. Didn’t you hear the news?”
Karl: “No, what?”
Dick: “I was officially in charge for a couple of hours!”
Karl: “Really? How did that happen?”
Dick: “The 25th Amendment had to be invoked when they put Wonder Boy under anesthesia for a colonoscopy.”
Karl: “Wow! How did it feel?”
Dick: “Not much different from any other day, except I didn’t feel like I needed to hide behind a curtain and pull strings constantly.”
Karl: “So, what did you do while you were in charge?”
Dick: “First, I wrote an op-ed piece for the Wall Street Journal, outing every CIA agent that ever contradicted us. I submitted it under John Kerry’s name. Then I had the Justice Department declare every Congressional race lost by the Republicans last November null and void. This morning we now have a 100% Republican Congress – both houses! Next I awarded all open contracts for the rebuilding of Iraq to Haliburton. Then, to top things off, I had all of the liberal justices on the Supreme Court fired and replaced them all with conservative judges.”
Karl: “S-w-e-e-t! Did you really do all that in two hours?”
Dick: “No, but I wanted to do it. That damn Constitution again...always getting in the way of our fun. Actually, I just watched sailboats flow down the Chesapeake Bay while I read a few chapters from the latest Harry Potter book. How about you? What did you do last weekend?”
Karl: “Oh, just some garden work. Replacing the flowers trampled down by the media...oh, that’s my phone, excuse me. Hello...oh, good morning, sir...I don’t know...let me ask Dick...yes, he’s right here...(puts the phone to his chest) It’s George Dubya. He wants to know if there is anything for him to do today?”
Dick: “Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t gotten to my office yet. Tell him I’ll call him back.”
Karl: “What should he do in the meantime?”
Dick: “Oh, tell him anything. Tell him not to talk to the press or take any calls until he hears from me. I know! He could shred a few subpoenas. He’ll enjoy that!”
Place: The White House, Washington, DC.
Karl: “Hey, Dick! How was your weekend?”
Dick: “Great, Karl. Didn’t you hear the news?”
Karl: “No, what?”
Dick: “I was officially in charge for a couple of hours!”
Karl: “Really? How did that happen?”
Dick: “The 25th Amendment had to be invoked when they put Wonder Boy under anesthesia for a colonoscopy.”
Karl: “Wow! How did it feel?”
Dick: “Not much different from any other day, except I didn’t feel like I needed to hide behind a curtain and pull strings constantly.”
Karl: “So, what did you do while you were in charge?”
Dick: “First, I wrote an op-ed piece for the Wall Street Journal, outing every CIA agent that ever contradicted us. I submitted it under John Kerry’s name. Then I had the Justice Department declare every Congressional race lost by the Republicans last November null and void. This morning we now have a 100% Republican Congress – both houses! Next I awarded all open contracts for the rebuilding of Iraq to Haliburton. Then, to top things off, I had all of the liberal justices on the Supreme Court fired and replaced them all with conservative judges.”
Karl: “S-w-e-e-t! Did you really do all that in two hours?”
Dick: “No, but I wanted to do it. That damn Constitution again...always getting in the way of our fun. Actually, I just watched sailboats flow down the Chesapeake Bay while I read a few chapters from the latest Harry Potter book. How about you? What did you do last weekend?”
Karl: “Oh, just some garden work. Replacing the flowers trampled down by the media...oh, that’s my phone, excuse me. Hello...oh, good morning, sir...I don’t know...let me ask Dick...yes, he’s right here...(puts the phone to his chest) It’s George Dubya. He wants to know if there is anything for him to do today?”
Dick: “Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t gotten to my office yet. Tell him I’ll call him back.”
Karl: “What should he do in the meantime?”
Dick: “Oh, tell him anything. Tell him not to talk to the press or take any calls until he hears from me. I know! He could shred a few subpoenas. He’ll enjoy that!”
posted by todd gunther | 6:20 AM
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