Short Notes – April 2008
ALL MEMBERS OF THE CLINTON FAMILY HIT THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL FOR HILLARY, EXCEPT ONE. WHITHER SOCKS?
Inquiring minds of the media tracked down Socks - Chelsea’s cat when her father occupied the Oval Office - still alive and well at the age of 17. Socks, so named due to his white paws on an otherwise black body, still lives with Bill Clinton’s former secretary, Betty Currie, somewhere in Maryland. The former First Cat leads a low-key lifestyle now, and refused to comment on the rumor that he would switch his voting registration in order to vote for Barack Obama.
MC CAIN TO HOMEOWNERS FACING FORECLOSURE DUE TO SUBPRIME MORTGAGE MESS: ‘DROP DEAD!’
Okay, he didn’t actually say that, but if this were the New York Post, we would certainly be tempted to resurrect that old headline from 1975. Mc Cain’s response that the government shouldn’t bail out irresponsible homeowners was obviously directed at the Democratic presidential candidate’s call for more government aid in the matter. Clinton and Obama reason that since the Federal Reserve is offering aid to mortgage lenders, that the government should allocate a similar amount ($38 billion) to homeowners.
Honestly, what are these taxpayers thinking? The federal government takes a portion of their weekly pay and spends it frivolously on costly wars that nobody wanted. Are the taxpayers grateful? Hell, no! They expect the government to use the money to help them out when flood waters wash away their lives, bridges and highways collapse beneath them, and establish policies that will keep everyone in the country healthy. Now they want Washington to help them keep a roof over their heads? Incredible!
NIPPLE RINGS SET OFF METAL DETECTORS AT ARIZONA AIRPORT; NATIONAL AIRLINE SAFETY INSPECTORS CLIP OFF THE RINGS, INFURIATING LAWYERS.
All right! Just what every full-blooded male lives for: breasts in the news! This incident has already sparked a civil lawsuit against the federal government. A lawyer for the plaintiff stated in a television interview that, as far as she knew, female breasts were not a lethal weapon.
Au contraire! Obviously this lawyer never saw “Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery”. That film showed women shooting bullets from their bosoms! Okay, right, that was a fictional work, but seriously, how far are we from creating this type of technology? After all, we can talk to someone over a great distance, type a message to him or her, and take a picture with a device no bigger than a credit card. If we can do this, then we certainly have the wherewithal to implant a pair of .38’s inside a...um, pair of thirty-eights, if you know what I mean.
Inquiring minds of the media tracked down Socks - Chelsea’s cat when her father occupied the Oval Office - still alive and well at the age of 17. Socks, so named due to his white paws on an otherwise black body, still lives with Bill Clinton’s former secretary, Betty Currie, somewhere in Maryland. The former First Cat leads a low-key lifestyle now, and refused to comment on the rumor that he would switch his voting registration in order to vote for Barack Obama.
MC CAIN TO HOMEOWNERS FACING FORECLOSURE DUE TO SUBPRIME MORTGAGE MESS: ‘DROP DEAD!’
Okay, he didn’t actually say that, but if this were the New York Post, we would certainly be tempted to resurrect that old headline from 1975. Mc Cain’s response that the government shouldn’t bail out irresponsible homeowners was obviously directed at the Democratic presidential candidate’s call for more government aid in the matter. Clinton and Obama reason that since the Federal Reserve is offering aid to mortgage lenders, that the government should allocate a similar amount ($38 billion) to homeowners.
Honestly, what are these taxpayers thinking? The federal government takes a portion of their weekly pay and spends it frivolously on costly wars that nobody wanted. Are the taxpayers grateful? Hell, no! They expect the government to use the money to help them out when flood waters wash away their lives, bridges and highways collapse beneath them, and establish policies that will keep everyone in the country healthy. Now they want Washington to help them keep a roof over their heads? Incredible!
NIPPLE RINGS SET OFF METAL DETECTORS AT ARIZONA AIRPORT; NATIONAL AIRLINE SAFETY INSPECTORS CLIP OFF THE RINGS, INFURIATING LAWYERS.
All right! Just what every full-blooded male lives for: breasts in the news! This incident has already sparked a civil lawsuit against the federal government. A lawyer for the plaintiff stated in a television interview that, as far as she knew, female breasts were not a lethal weapon.
Au contraire! Obviously this lawyer never saw “Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery”. That film showed women shooting bullets from their bosoms! Okay, right, that was a fictional work, but seriously, how far are we from creating this type of technology? After all, we can talk to someone over a great distance, type a message to him or her, and take a picture with a device no bigger than a credit card. If we can do this, then we certainly have the wherewithal to implant a pair of .38’s inside a...um, pair of thirty-eights, if you know what I mean.
posted by todd gunther | 1:58 AM
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