My Christmas Wish List for the Most Influential People of 2008
Dear Santa:
Please consider the following gift suggestions for these influential people on Christmas.
Sarah Palin...a brain! Sorry, but she’ll need more than a great pair of legs and a $180,000 wardrobe to make a lasting impression on the national political scene.
Joe Biden...a copy of H.G. Wells' Outline of History. If his pre-election gaffes are any indication of his grasp of American history, then he can start with this book to reacquaint himself with the subject.
Banking executives...castration! These executives still accepted multi-million dollar bonuses and kept some of their perks even as their companies showed signs of failure. These are the same banks that begged for - and got - money from Congress a few months ago. If they have the balls to do this, then they shouldn’t mind missing one or two.
Dick Cheney...a heart. No, not a new one to replace his diseased organ, but rather the type of heart that comes with a conscience. It’s the type that will allow him to think back on the last eight years, and then ask himself, “My God! What have I done?” On second thought, this might be even too much for you to handle. Maybe you can give him his own country that he can run into the ground...
Senate Republicans...an all-expense paid weekend to Detroit! (We can charge it to the bankers). They’ll see how blue collar workers — the real backbone of American industry — are faring during the recession, on this fun-filled, action-packed, fact-finding mission. They should leave their credit cards at home for this trip. Downtown Detroit has a reputation for being rough.
John McCain...a series of town hall meetings with (hand picked) young Republicans who will thrill to his wonderful stories about the good old days of the GOP, namely the Reagan Administration!
Barack Obama...courage and all the luck in the world! He’s going to need all the luck he can get to save us from this mess!
George W. Bush..a cure for his short term memory loss. The poor fellow must be suffering from amnesia. He’s forgotten about how badly he’s screwed up the country during the last eight years.
No, wait, Santa! I have another idea. If you give Sarah a brain, Dick a heart, and Obama courage, then you can give George...a pair of ruby red slippers! Yes, think about this! He’ll put them on Christmas Day, click his heels three times, and chant, “There’s no place like home” over and over. Before we know it, he’ll wake up at his ranch in Crawford TX, and we’ll have the first three weeks of peace since he took office eight years ago. Please, Santa, oh please. Give George the slippers! Please! I’m begging you, Santa...
(EDITOR'S NOTE: We will stop this entry here. Mr. Gunther is becoming hysterical and obviously we need to re-evaluate his medication. In the meantime...Happy Holidays!)
Please consider the following gift suggestions for these influential people on Christmas.
Sarah Palin...a brain! Sorry, but she’ll need more than a great pair of legs and a $180,000 wardrobe to make a lasting impression on the national political scene.
Joe Biden...a copy of H.G. Wells' Outline of History. If his pre-election gaffes are any indication of his grasp of American history, then he can start with this book to reacquaint himself with the subject.
Banking executives...castration! These executives still accepted multi-million dollar bonuses and kept some of their perks even as their companies showed signs of failure. These are the same banks that begged for - and got - money from Congress a few months ago. If they have the balls to do this, then they shouldn’t mind missing one or two.
Dick Cheney...a heart. No, not a new one to replace his diseased organ, but rather the type of heart that comes with a conscience. It’s the type that will allow him to think back on the last eight years, and then ask himself, “My God! What have I done?” On second thought, this might be even too much for you to handle. Maybe you can give him his own country that he can run into the ground...
Senate Republicans...an all-expense paid weekend to Detroit! (We can charge it to the bankers). They’ll see how blue collar workers — the real backbone of American industry — are faring during the recession, on this fun-filled, action-packed, fact-finding mission. They should leave their credit cards at home for this trip. Downtown Detroit has a reputation for being rough.
John McCain...a series of town hall meetings with (hand picked) young Republicans who will thrill to his wonderful stories about the good old days of the GOP, namely the Reagan Administration!
Barack Obama...courage and all the luck in the world! He’s going to need all the luck he can get to save us from this mess!
George W. Bush..a cure for his short term memory loss. The poor fellow must be suffering from amnesia. He’s forgotten about how badly he’s screwed up the country during the last eight years.
No, wait, Santa! I have another idea. If you give Sarah a brain, Dick a heart, and Obama courage, then you can give George...a pair of ruby red slippers! Yes, think about this! He’ll put them on Christmas Day, click his heels three times, and chant, “There’s no place like home” over and over. Before we know it, he’ll wake up at his ranch in Crawford TX, and we’ll have the first three weeks of peace since he took office eight years ago. Please, Santa, oh please. Give George the slippers! Please! I’m begging you, Santa...
(EDITOR'S NOTE: We will stop this entry here. Mr. Gunther is becoming hysterical and obviously we need to re-evaluate his medication. In the meantime...Happy Holidays!)
posted by todd gunther | 8:09 PM
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