A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Will Sleep With Anyone with a Good RX Plan

I had a cousin who was unable to be employed full-time due to a terminal health condition. As a widowed mother with two children, she was constantly searching for a companion who could give her family financial security. One method my cousin would use was to look for BMWs on the road. After all, “Beamers” were a status symbol, and surely any man who could afford to own one would be making enough money to support her.

Ah, but how times have changed! The old status symbols — the expensive car, the time share in Aruba, or the robust stock portfolio — are falling by the wayside. Soon we may have people looking for other qualities in a partner. No, we’re not talking about love necessarily, but health insurance.

Teri Carlson could be starting a new trend. This attractive, middle-aged divorcee from southern California is offering herself to anyone with a good health plan. Her situation is dire.

She suffers from a rare genetic disorder, C4 complement deficiency, which renders her body incapable of processing bacteria. The result is that her body fights itself. She is unable to get insurance on her own, and has one year left on her COBRA policy.

Carlson has advertised her plight on You Tube, where she is seen counting out 19 different prescriptions she takes on a regular basis. This doesn’t include the antibiotics or the plastic tub full of over the counter medications she shows off in her posting. She states that interested candidates should not send pictures, but please do send copies of your health insurance policy.

Those sounds you hear are the voices of thousands of short male geeks shouting, “Where has this woman been all my life!” I can’t help but wonder if other women in a similar situation will follow her lead just to get health insurance. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for this first date...

WOMAN: So, tell me a little about yourself.

MAN: Well, I’m a junior partner at a prestigious law firm in Center City, my brother and I are restoring a 200 year old farmhouse in Bucks County and...

WOMAN: Okay, enough about you! Give me a few details about your health insurance. Does it cover pre-existing conditions? What are the co-pays on your prescriptions? Answer the second question first.

MAN: Oh, well, the co-pays are low...ten to thirty dollars depending if it’s generic or not...but I must be up front with you. I’m not out of the closet and actually I’m looking more for a beard than a spouse.

WOMAN: Oh! This is so sudden! I don’t know what to say! Say you’ll marry me!

And so on...

President Obama could arrange a similar blind date for members of Congress, if nothing more than to get them talking about the health care reform, which is now on the back burner.

DEMOCRATIC CAUCAS: So tell us something about yourselves!

REPUBLICAN CAUCAS: Well, we’re very upwardly mobile, we’re presently serving as junior partners for the greatest democracy on the planet, but we’re expecting a promotion after the mid-term elections this November...

DEMOCRATIC CAUCAS: Oh, enough about you. Tell you think bipartisanship is sexy?

REPUBLICAN CAUCAS: Bipartisanship? Eww…gross!

Or...maybe not.

Still, this could totally change the dynamics of relationships in the near future. Instead of accusations like I never loved you in domestic spats, we might hear something like I only married you for your low deductible! It could become legitimate grounds for divorce if a spouse hits the lifetime maximum on their policy!

Seriously, this whole episode brings to mind an element of the health care reform debate which I have not heard in awhile: health insurance that is not tied to a person’s employment. I don’t know if this was part of the public option the teabaggers killed, or if it was part of the insurance exchanges which would cross state jurisdictions. Its absence from the debate is frightening.

If the only way Americans can have health insurance is through their gainful employment, then any sort of job layoff which would deny them affordable coverage could literally be a death sentence for those with a life threatening condition. I’m not trying to put more pressure on any employers who might be reading this, and who are mulling over a massive layoff. On the other hand, I don’t think I am over dramatizing this scenario either. Teri Carlson is living proof of this national health care crisis.

Good luck, Ms. Carlson!

(Thank you for reading. Please remember life is a pre-existing condition!)


Post a Comment

<< Home