A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tweet Translations

Every morning, I stroll from my back door to the edge of my driveway to get the morning newspaper. The feathered creatures in my neighborhood serenade me as I do my walk, and I’ve often wondered what exactly they are singing to each other. Well, wonder no more, for I referred this question to the Department of Inter-Species Communication Studies at Arteejee University (AU).

The Inter-Species Communication research team recorded over 100 hours of birds singing and chirping. In their laboratory, they carefully dissected each sound and consulted with ornithologists (people who know a lot about birds) from around the globe. They met over the course of many months, debated, argued and finally agreed on the following translations of the most common bird sounds.

Tweet, tweet, tweetle-tweet!

(Yo! Check me out over here!)

Tweet, tweet, tweet! Tweet, tweet, tweet! Tweet, tweet, tweet!

(I want to mate! I want to mate! I want to mate!)

Tweet, tweet, chirp!

(I want it now!)


(Wow! Look at that fat, juicy worm on the grass below!)

Tweet, twee, twirp!

(Hey, mama, shake your plumage!)

Tweet, twit, tweet!

(Expletive deleted)

Tweet, tweet, whatever!




Tweetle, tweetle, twee!

(Watch me crap on that statue over there!)

Editor's note: After reviewing this translation, the entire AU Department of Inter-Species Communication Studies has been denied tenure.)

(Thank you for reading. Please remember tweet chirp tweetle chirtle tweet tweet!)

PS - Happy 48th to my little brother!


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