arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, September 17, 2010

#500

This marks a milestone: my 500th blog entry. I should take the opportunity to reflect on the accomplishments of my last hundred entries or so. I believe I have — more or less — stayed true to my beliefs and values during the course of this year. This has included confounding conservatives, parodying Palin, roasting Republicans, snickering at all of the faux celebrities afflicting our culture, and — in one memorable entry — I tore down the Statue of Liberty.

I didn’t actually tear it down; I just proposed that we should do it if we, as a nation, are truly serious about kicking out all of the illegal aliens living in our midst. This proposal drew one criticism from someone who didn’t have the cojones to give their real name. Now, as part of my milestone entry, I will remind my critic (he or she called me an “idiot”) that that entry, like many of my entries, are a work of satire. While you contemplate that idea, please also add these words to your vocabulary list: sarcasm, facetiousness, and parody. Please feel free to use these words in a sentence or sentences.

As for everyone else who has left comments, please accept my thanks for the time you took to write. The responses to my tribute to Dr. Mary Kenny Badami were deeply appreciated. And, oh yes, last but not least, my closest friend from college days, Janey. Keep up the good work, girlfriend!

Now the fun part of this entry. I will now endeavor to amuse and bemuse you with a number of facts about me which very few people know. I have been very cautious about revealing too much about my private life since I began writing this blog; after all, it is the Internet, and everyone can see anything any one lays down on the world wide information superhighway. Many other bloggers constantly write about their personal lives. Today is my turn.

1. I didn’t date in high school.

2. I own a copy (annotated, if that makes a difference) of Mein Kampf. (No, Mr. Beck, you cannot have it! Get your own!)

3. I consider myself a moderate Democrat, although many conservatives will swear that there is no such animal. To them, all Democrats are left-leaning socialists, but that’s okay. After all, we consider many conservative Republicans right wing nutjobs.

4. I do volunteer work once a week at Reading for the Blind and Dyslexic – Learning Through Listening.

5. Over the course of my lifetime, I have collected vinyl records, shot glasses, and silent movies. Among my current hobbies are model building and thinking up insulting things to say about Rush Limbaugh.

6. I have an aversion to crowds. This might be due to my shy, introverted nature, which could have been aggravated by an incident that happened to me in my schoolyard when I was a first grader. Long story...details later...much later.

7. I have been writing short satirical pieces since high school. I would fill my school district supplied tablets (rare for districts to be able to afford that today) with Pythonesque stream-of-consciousness sketches in study hall.

8. I was active in theater while attending Bloomsburg University. Sang in chorus and small speaking parts in musicals: Oklahoma, Show Boat, The King and I, Carousel, Die Fleidermaus, and South Pacific.

9. I wear Velcro strap shoes with orthotic inserts because I never mastered the art of tying my shoe laces.

(Thank you for reading. Remember, it’s good to bare the soul...once in a great while.)

3 Comments:

Anonymous Janey said...

Dear Readers of Todd's Blog:

This is Janey, referenced above in Todd's latest entry. I wish to share a few thoughts regarding our favorite blogger:

First, I've known Todd since 1977 (when we were both freshman singing in the Concert Choir at what was then Bloomsburg State College) and yet I've never heard the story of what happened to him in the schoolyard in first grade -- WTF? :-)

Also, here are few things Todd was too humble to mention: He is perhaps the finest writer I've ever known (and as I am a college professor, I've known many). I've long admired his intensely thoughtful, accurate, perceptive way of directly -- yet oh so gently -- getting to the heart of the issue being discussed. Todd and I went through college as both undergraduate and graduate classmates, and I've held him in highest regard as a classmate and dear friend. Our personalities are different (I am loud, brassy, showy; a nonstop talker with a quick and scathing wit), yet I was all style, for Todd was the one with the actual SUBSTANCE.

While in my youth I was considered attractive (I am tall, fair-skinned, with a head of curly blond hair both men and women still envy), I sensed that Todd was often less secure about his looks. But Todd, baby, good looks fade (as I well know), but you, you are SMART, and smart is always sexy.

I am what some would call "openly gay" (a
term I've always resented, for has anyone ever self-identified as being "openly straight"?); the point is that, even in 1977, when it was not yet fashionable to be "out", I was indeed "out of the closet"(I was never "in"), yet Todd still chose to freely and publicly associate with me, at the possible peril of his own reputation, especially since he and his family lived near the College. I have always been proud and honored that Todd chose to be my friend, when others may have feared doing so, lest they be perceived as "gay by association". His family always welcomed me, and treated me with every kindness. For the record, Todd is 100% heterosexual.

Todd is a low-key, mellow guy on the exterior (while still a simmering vat of thoughts, ideas, and unspoken expressions on the inside); his "Type B" personality makes him the ideal complement to those of us who are "Type A", such as myself, and his warm-hearted, ballsy and uproariously funny wife, Annemarie (love ya', Girl). I wish to publicly thank Todd for putting up with me and my many "highs"(both literal and figurative), my occasional lows, family dramas, self-inflicted dramas, endless stream of short-term boyfriends, and frequent rants against a heterocentric world.

Tood is also a learned historian, deeply knowledgeable of both American and European history. And when it comes to pop culture, especially music and film, he is nothing short of a fucking genius.

For these and many more reasons, I read and often comment on Todd's blog entries, as I sure you too, dear readers, have your own affirmative reasons for taking a few moments of your own time-pressured existences to read Todd's penetrating insights on our less-than-perfect but still often fabulous world. So I hope you all will join in me in toasting Todd on his 500th (!) entry, and wishing him many more. My raised glass contains a "Harry Lime", a potent concoction Todd and I invented during our drinking days at college. It contains copious amounts of Bombay Gin and a delicate squeeze of lime. And if you want to know of its cinematic origin, you'll have to ask Todd... :-)

One more item: to the anonymous blogger with the shriveled nutsack who called Todd an "idiot", get down on your knees right now and pray to your Higher Power that you will you never be physically in the same room with me. And while you're down on your knees, I've got a job for you to do...

Congratulation Todd! Keep those entries coming!

Love, Janey

September 17, 2010 at 9:43 AM  
Anonymous Easily Amused said...

Yes, congratulations! I just discovered your blog by chance a few months ago. As a practicing Luddite, I have been restrained from discovering blogs written by people who can challenge the likes of Limbaugh and Beck in a polite and literate manner. I have done some writing along those lines over the years, and personally find satire and parody to be a deeply satisfying way to poke fun at political figures and their petty conceits. Keep up the good work. And forget the first grade thing--if you are an introvert, live with it. The extroverts need an audience.

September 19, 2010 at 5:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your 500th blog! Even though I enjoy reading them I don't usually post a comment. I would be interested in hearing about the first grade incident if you care to share that information. It was very nice to read how your friends value your friendship. As Janey said,keep the blogs coming.

Bald Top Road resident

September 20, 2010 at 2:04 PM  

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