arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Name:
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Snort Notes – March 2011

SENATORS AL FRANKEN AND RAND PAUL HAVE BECOME PERSONAL FRIENDS EVEN THOUGH THEIR POLITICAL BELIEFS ARE WORLDS APART

Minnesota Senator Al Franken, considered an extreme liberal, has become close friends with tea party fave Rand Paul. The friendship began when Franken, believing he was following Senate etiquette, phoned to congratulate Paul on his election to the Senate shortly after the November election swept Republican conservatives back into the majority. Franken has since conceded that he was mistaken about the etiquette, but no matter. Both men are holding steadfast to their beliefs even as they enjoy a camaraderie that many people wish would happen more often in the halls of power.

Okay, let’s get this out of our system now. WTF! What is the world coming to? Liberals consorting with conservatives! OMG!!! It’s the end of the world as we know it! This is terrible! This is horrible! This is wonderful!

While it is perhaps premature to start a registry for the two men at Macy’s (they’re close, but not THAT close), it will be interesting to see where this relationship will go. Who knows? It may be the beginning of a new era where poisoned rhetoric and action are abandoned in Congress and, more importantly, something could actually be accomplished for the good of all Americans.

I do hope some others inside the Beltway are noting the Franken/Paul relationship. Please take notes John Boehner, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and Eric Cantor. Watch these two carefully. You might learn something about the proper way to serve the people.

ANN COULTER DISMISSES NUCLEAR THREAT IN JAPAN BY CITING A STUDY WHICH STATES THAT LEVELS OF RADIATION HIGHER THAN ALLOWED BY LAW ARE GOOD FOR YOU

In the wake of the disastrous earthquake and tsunami to hit Japan, pledges of relief and assistance have been pouring into the country. As the waters from the flooding are receding, survivors are locating and removing bodies. Search and rescue missions are ongoing with a few success stories. Over the weekend, an elderly woman and her grandson were found alive after nine days. It is wonderful that they survived, but I doubt if the child will want to spend another weekend at grandma’s anytime soon.

One major complication was the explosions and threatened meltdowns at nuclear power plants in the area. Nuclear workers have gone to the reactors at a great risk of their health to contain the radiation. Concerns have been raised about radiation levels found in food and milk. In short, the Japanese are experiencing a lot of difficulties just now, so the last thing they need are some idiotic pronouncements from some right-leaning bimbo that heightened levels of radiation are good for you.

First question: what university or other institution of higher learning in their right minds would award a degree in nuclear fission to Ann Coulter? What makes her an expert in this highly specialized level of energy management? Doesn’t she realize that in the past severe nuclear radiation poisoning has been proven to cause a variety of cancers and other ailments?

Oh, right, the fact that she is a paid commentator on Fox News makes her an expert on absolutely everything! She knows that large doses of radiation are healthful, that Al Gore is a “total fag”, and that communicating with liberals should be avoided as much as possible. Unfortunately for society at large, all of her rhetoric is protected once again by the First Amendment. Fortunately for Ann Coulter, stupidity is not a capital offense.

BERLIN ZOO LOSES THEIR PRIZED POLAR BEAR

Knut, the cuddly polar bear cub abandoned by his mother only to be raised by loving, nurturing zoo keepers at the Berlin Zoo, has died. His loss is being mourned by his keepers and his fans throughout Germany and beyond. In the four short years the world knew him, Knut burrowed a place in the hearts of animal lovers everywhere.

His popularity didn’t hurt the Berlin’s Zoo bottom line either. Attendance spiked when the cub’s remarkable story went viral on the Internet. Increased attendance receipts and the resulting merchandising of Knut souvenirs was an economic boon for the zoo. Knut may be gone, but his popularity will likely live on in the shape of cuddly, fuzzy Knut dolls.

His fans are consoled by the fact that Knut’s passing was quiet and quick. He didn’t die from the old Gestapo illness: shot while trying to escape. Nor did he choke on a knockwurst while ogling a cute cubette at a local beer garden.

Okay, calm down! I’m sorry, but I just had to get that out of my system.

In all seriousness, rest in peace, Knut.

(Thank you for reading. Please remember exposure to excessive radiation can also lead to extreme lightning of hair follicles, brain loss, and an increased incidence of saying really stupid things. Hmmm...that explains a lot!)

1 Comments:

Anonymous Janey said...

Please DO let me know when Al and Rand start their gift registry! :-)

March 22, 2011 at 4:45 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home