arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Sunday, October 28, 2012

Snort Bites – October 2012



When I started this blog, I would occasionally happen upon a subject or two worthy of satirical commentary, but not enough commentary to justify my minimum goal of 7-11 paragraphs. This I would incorporate with a few other subjects into one entry: Short Notes was born. A few months and a typographical error later, this bit became known as Snort Notes. Now we tweak it, evolve the concept further, and rename this Snort Bites, as it is little bites of humor (I hope) which will elicit not full scale guffaws, but at the very least (again I hope) some semblance of a laugh-induced reaction.

Let’s proceed.

ARTEEJEE BLOG SEX SYMBOL SARAH PALIN USES TERM SHUCK AND JIVE IN CRITICISM OF PRESIDENT OBAMA’S FOREIGN POLICY. NOT SURPRISINGLY, HER WORD USAGE IS CRITICISED AS RACIALLY INFLAMATORY.

In her latest attempt to maintain her relevancy in today’s American political scene, Palin joined the chorus of conservative critics about Obama’s handling of the Benghazi embassy attack. Palin’s use of the phrase shuck and jive, which is universally thought of as a derogatory remark against African-Americans — well universally thought of by everyone on the planet except Sarah Palin — brought on a backlash from just about everyone else in the universe. The divine Ms. Palin defended her use of the phrase and used the moment to take the opportunity to decry the media’s use of the words igloo, Eskimo pie, and the phrase when hell freezes over as culturally insensitive to her extended native Alaskan family.

So let’s consider her requests one by one.

Igloo – okay, we can live with that, although I believe that igloo is the term most commonly used and accepted for this type of shelter in the Inuit culture. However, Ms. Palin, if you insist on being offended by the word igloo, we must ask you to refrain from using words like Cape Cod, Colonial, rancher, log cabin, row house, townhouse, condominium and/or apartment when referring to any domicile we use here in the lower 48. Fair is fair! Your request begs the question: so what should we call a shelter where members of the Inuit and Yupik people live? Any suggestions, Ms. Palin?

Eskimo Pie – a trademarked brand name of a popular ice cream confection. Right, good luck with that one, Ms. Palin!

When hell freezes over — has nothing to do with indigenous peoples of the state of Alaska. Request denied!

Moving on to a nearly Palin related item…

ALMOST PALIN SON-IN-LAW LEVI JOHNSTON PLANS TO MARRY HIS GIRLFRIEND THIS WEEKEND

The bride-to-be is not Sarah’s daughter, Bristol, a fact which I’m sure is making the rest of the Palin clan breathe a sigh of relief that they narrowly escaped being related to human train wreck Levi Johnston. For his part, Levi is doing the right thing by marrying the woman who is the mother of his daughter, Breeze Beretta.

Breeze Beretta is an interesting name, combining a common weather event with the name of a 70s television crime drama…oh, wait a minute, my editor just informed me that the middle name is not derived from the 70s crime drama, but rather from the gun named Beretta.

Okay, this is no longer interesting. It’s just plain weird!

Not that I want to intentionally cast aspersions on any native Alaskan cultures (and if I did, I would say igloo-Eskimo Pie-when hell freezes over), but I must raise this point: what are you people thinking when you name your children? Is there something in the Alaskan waters that drives this propensity for names that are downright oddball? 
 
Let’s look at the record; Track, Willow, Trig…and that’s just within one family! Why can’t you name your children using good old American names like Shaquilla, D’Nesha, or Limoncello?

Here is where I would wish the newly married couple well in their new found happiness, but unfortunately I really don’t care…

PROFESSIONAL EGO DONALD TRUMP OFFERS TO DONATE $5M TO BARACK OBAMA’S FAVORITE CHARITY IF THE PRESIDENT WILL RELEASE HIS PASSPORT OR HIS COLLEGE TRANSCRIPT

Trump made his offer in a cheap, last ditch effort to prove his theory that Barack Obama is not an American since both of these documents will show Obama’s true place of birth. Not surprisingly, the Obama administration is ignoring the request.

Really, Donald? This is your idea of an October surprise? Is this the best you can do to maintain YOUR relevance in the American political scene? Didn’t you get the memo that the Barack Obama birther boat sailed a long time ago and it’s never coming back?

Oh well, 19th century America had P.T. Barnum while we have Donald Trump. Of course, there is one difference between the two: Barnum was entertaining! On the other hand, Trump could be dismissed as an annoying massive ego with a bad hair job. Where would we be without The Donald?

Time and space does not and will never allow me the opportunity to fully answer that question! Now there’s a subject begging for a master’s thesis if there ever was one.

BLOG TEASER: NEXT WEEK, ARTEEJEE CONDUCTS AN EXPERIMENT IN ROMANCE WRITING WITH A SHORT STORY STARRING PAUL RYAN!

That is if the hell and high water from Hurricane Sandy doesn’t wipe us out first…

(Thank you for reading! How about ice block hut? Does that work for you, Ms. Palin?)

1 Comments:

Anonymous Janey said...

RTG,

When I read that ice-block-headed Sarah Palin (I'm sorry, Ms. Palin, was I just racially insensitive to all of you people stupid enough to be willing live in, on and around ice?) is now the official sex symbol of your otherwise fabulous blog, I was ready to cancel my subscription, drive through the hurricane to your home, and bitch-slap some sense into your fucked-up head while Editor AMG held you down for me.
But now, NOW that I read that you are going to write a romance story about sex god Paul Ryan, I remain a faithful reader and friend. :-) I trust your story will have the delectable Mr. Ryan become addicted to having sex with a curvy, Sansom-tressed, bullhorn-voiced young temptress named Janey, whom Paul meets at a bong party held at a rural PA State College circa 1978...

Love, Janey (I'm available to star in the film version if you sell the movie rights to a major Hollywood studio. I'll spend this "rain day" off from school making room on the mantle for my inevitable -- and long overdue -- Academy Award.)

October 29, 2012 at 7:21 AM  

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