arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Adios, January!



Here’s to you, January 2014!  How revolting!  Oh reviled winter month!

Your record cold and freezing temperatures did plague many parts of our nation.

Even the south!

Oh horrible, wretched time!

How hated are you?  Let’s just say that if you were a teenage pop star, we’d name you Bieber (His current tour is coming soon to a police station near you!)

Oh, disgusting waste of four weeks!

How awful were you to us?  Your snow storms at two and a half week intervals caused mayhem on our highways and with our overall economic prosperity!

Oh foul, cruel temptress!  Your howling winds and polar vortexes vexed us to no end!

How unpopular will you be in our memory?  Let’s just say that if you were a town in New Jersey, we’d arrange for Governor Christie’s inner circle to go George Washington Bridge on yo ass!

I’m not quite sure what that means, but trust me, it’s bad!

So long!  Farewell!  Auf wiedersehen…aw, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE ALREADY!

Eff you and the sucky days you rode in on!

Aye, you will not be missed!  So go now!  Get out!  Leave!  Scram!  Never again darken our calendars!

And by all means don’t let the sands of time hit you in the 31st as you leave!
January, you were a bitch!

Welcome, February!  We long for your balmy embrace with its 40 degree temperatures, mild winds and predictions of 3-6 inches of snow for Monday...

Eff you.

February!

(Thank you for reading.  With apologies to my father who always taught me that if I could not say anything nice, don’t say anything at all!)

4 Comments:

Blogger Nadege said...

But we are going to complain when it is too hot!
Spring will be here before you know it. The days are already getting longer and it won't be long before daffodils and hyacinths poke their friendly little heads out.

February 1, 2014 at 2:09 PM  
Anonymous Janey said...

Ah yes, soon my allergy season will begin...

And I like snow days off from school!

Let's see how February treats us...

February 2, 2014 at 6:48 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Dear Nadege:Yes, we bitch when it's cold, and we complain when it's hot. We, the human race are nothing but a bunch of whiners! God, how does the rest of the cosmos put up with us?
I'm grateful that the days are getting longer, and yes your visions of flowers are cheerful, but I have to wonder: how many inches of snow have you seen in LA this winter? :)
Anyway, thanks for putting things into perspective.

Dear janey, your sinuses wait until spring to act up? Mine have already started!

February 2, 2014 at 1:57 PM  
Blogger Nadege said...

I haven't seen any snow at all by choice because I hate it and I hate cold weather; that is why I live in SoCal. Our biggest problem is traffic and it is bad. Kidding aside, I understand that in February, you are fed up with the slush and cannot wait for warmth. I don't blame you as I would be miserable living back east. I always say that the indians had it right. They packed up their teepees in fall and went down South when the swallows would leave and came back up in spring. Pretty smart people, but not an affordable idea now a day but for very few.

February 2, 2014 at 2:10 PM  

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