arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Commercial Break



I have had many opportunities lately to watch television while spending time with Oreo. She snuggles up against me on the sofa while I pet her and tell her sweet nothings. I tell her how pretty she is, that she has pretty markings and that I adore her as much as she adores me. Then she tires of all this affections, and flicks a quick clawed paw at my hand or tries to bite that hand that does literally feed and adore her. Then she runs off to do something else, usually at my loud knee-jerk reaction suggestion. 

In any case, the time spent with Oreo has allowed me to catch up on a few commercials. One that has leaped out at me and stuck in my memory is for the video product Game of War Age of Fire. The setting I believe is some desolate acreage somewhere on the planet, say the Scottish highlands or a remote stretch of Iceland. A group of medieval warriors, perhaps a Viking or two, are gathered in a circle staring at the ground. 

A well packed warrior princess (I later found out is played by Kate Upton) walks around them, casts some seeds on the ground in front of them, and they watch as the seeds grow into a series of live action tableaux from the title video game. The tableaux show the beginning of a settlement, to a fort being built to repel a mass of marauders rushing towards the settlement, to a walled city springing up just as the marauders reach the settlement. An empire is born and sustained!

This group of men watches the action in front of them intently while the princess taunts them about empires and heroism. I am struck by the incredible reaction of these warriors:  they continue to stare at the ground in front of them and they barely acknowledge her presence. In other words, they do nothing.

They do nothing to…

(DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS ARE BEING MADE BY A HETEROSEXUAL MALE WHO ALBEIT MIDDLE AGED STILL BELIEVES HE HAS AN ACTIVE LIBDIO AND A DISCERNING EYE FOR FEMALE BEAUTY, AND AS SUCH MAY BE INTERPRETED AS CRUDE AND SEXIST. 

THESE COMMENTS DO NOT REFLECT THE PROGRESSIVE OPINIONS OF THE BLOG MANAGEMENT. WE WARN THOSE WHO ARE EASILY OFFENDED TO STOP READING HERE. TO THOSE WHO ARE NOT SO EASILY OFFENDED, WE INVITE YOU TO PLEASE READ ON AND DEAL WITH IT!)

…express their most basic carnal desires on a woman who has (as Janey was wont to say in the day) breasts for days.

First and obvious impression*: the men are gay or otherwise disinclined to sexually partake of this woman’s bounty. Okay, there’s nothing wrong with this, but it would explain a lot.

Second impression: they are eunuchs. Again, no problem; but would eunuchs muster up enough mojo to contemplate world conquest and empire building? Frankly, I have my doubts.

Third impression: their priorities are screwed up!

Guys, what is wrong with you? Ambition for material success is admirable, but this woman is presenting her wonderful rack and doing everything except yelling “Take me!”, and you stand there obsessed with what?

A video game?

Somewhere even Beavis and Butthead must be scratching their heads!

(Thank you for reading. Hee, hee, hee! I said heads!)

*As suggested by none other than Warrior Queen

8 Comments:

Blogger Ur-spo said...

I had to look up Beavis and Butthead. What dreadful characters!

January 24, 2015 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

And I had to look up 'breasts'.

January 25, 2015 at 2:44 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Aren't they adorable, Spo! I believe they would've been the sons Warrior Queen and I would've had if we had children...which is one reason why we never had children. P.S. At the risk of having the Board of Directors at Spo-Reflections rescind Warrior Queens license to wear Viking horns, I must confess that she is a big fan of B & B.

Thank you, Raybeard. Tee-hee, hee-hee, you said breasts.

January 25, 2015 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger anne marie in philly said...

hey spo, pull my finger!

January 25, 2015 at 5:57 PM  
Blogger Fearsome Beard said...

I love Bevis and Butthead too! And I do believe that even they would be scratching their heads at that one.

January 27, 2015 at 11:21 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you, Fearsome Beard. It took me awhile to warm up to them, but warrior Queen has loved them since day on.

February 1, 2015 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Harpers Keeper said...

I know that commercial but must confess, while I know there is a woman in it, I have only a vague mental picture... proving your point about at least one of the possibilities

February 3, 2015 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thanks for writing Harper's Keeper. Vague mental pictures keep Madison Avenue alive and vibrant!

February 9, 2015 at 6:55 AM  

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