arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Sunday, July 26, 2015

Prep Day Drinking Game


Hey kids! Remember those fun college days when you were gathered around the table with your friends on the weekends and you wanted to get drunk as fast as you could? Sure, we all do! At some point during those weekends, someone would suggest a drinking game to expedite everyone’s main goal of drinking to excess and losing every bit of food you ever consumed in your life during one trip to the toilet bowl. As you may recall, everyone playing the game would take a drink when a certain event happened, or someone said a certain word.

I am inviting anyone who has free time on Tuesday (July 28) to join me in a drinking game. I will supply a list of events which, if they happen, you can drink whatever refreshing libation you choose. I will be playing this game by default, as I will be having a prep day for a colonoscopy on Wednesday. I will be required to drink 12 ounces of clear liquid every hour,* which may take my percentage of water to body ratio from 98% to, oh, I don’t know, 200 or 300%!

So keep your eyes and ears open on Tuesday and drink up!!!!

1. Donald Trump says something mean about one of his fellow Republican candidates for President.

2. Another Republican announces their candidacy for President and immediately qualifies for abuse from The Donald.

3. A media pundit whines that Atticus Finch is a racist bastard!

4. The Donald files a lawsuit for damages when someone says a mean thing about him.  (This may be good for five or six rounds in one hour.)

5. Harper Lee confesses that when she approved the publication of To Set a Watchman, she thought she was Margaret Mitchell approving publication of the sequel to Gone with the Wind.

6. Mike Huckabee chokes on a chicken sandwich at you know where.

7. A second hand completes a full rotation on a clock face in sixty seconds.  (Actually this might be a game ender!)

8. Another woman steps forward to accuse Bill Cosby of rape. 

9. The Donald accidently sues himself!

*My surgeon has advised me gin, rum, whiskey and amaretto do not qualify as clear liquids! Bummer! 

(Thank you for coming back and reading! “Drink, drink, let the toast start/ May young hearts never part/drink, drink, drink/ Let every lover salute his sweetheart/Let’s drink!”)

9 Comments:

Blogger Raybeard said...

Must have lived a very sheltered life as I don't recognise that drinking 'game'. Maybe should put it on my 'Bucket List' (Ho ho!)

#6 above - if you ask me, it's a clear indication of Divine wrath - or, perhaps as Mr H might claim, his recovery is "another miracle! QED!"

Good luck with your colonoscopy, - tomorrow now, lucky you. You must be consumed with excitement!

Btw: A warm welcome on your return from silence - as I join in your song, with Edmund Purdom-like mime.

July 27, 2015 at 4:17 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Raybeard for your wishes. I'd award extra points for your reference to the back story about the making of The Student Prince, but I doubt that my points are worth anything.

July 27, 2015 at 7:13 AM  
Blogger Bob Slatten said...

I think I'm getting drunk, fast, and then staying drunk ... unless i go for the non-alcoholic libations which would be smart and yet so not me.

July 27, 2015 at 7:34 AM  
Blogger Raybeard said...

Ref your extra points (above): Oh, please do award them, RTG. I have few enough as it is and I'm saving them up to fritter away for some suitable occasion.
We'll be thinking of you on the morrow with fingers Xd for an 'all clear'.

July 27, 2015 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Fearsome Beard said...

I hate prep day. Hate it.
I would join you but since I no longer drink the good stuff myself it would be like prep day for me, and another one of those will come soon enough in my lifetime. So have fun prepping and if Warrior Queen ( and I know she drinks the good stuff) plays the drinking game with you, I hope she too has Wednesday off.

July 27, 2015 at 9:13 PM  
Blogger anne marie in philly said...

I DO reward myself with the good stuff, cause I AM worth it!

I took wednesday morning off to drive spouse to/from the procedure; I then went into work for 1/2 day. I am fucking exhausted right now.

July 29, 2015 at 6:41 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi Bob, well, if i had gone the alcoholic route I could have refused the services of the anesthetist but I doubt that the surgeon would have been amused.

Hi Fearsome Beard, I survived the prep and the procedure. I'm good for another three years.

July 29, 2015 at 6:59 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

Alas I didn't drink in my college days
I trust #9 to happen soon.

July 30, 2015 at 1:15 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Ur Spo and Amen to #9!

July 30, 2015 at 7:13 PM  

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