arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Update: Prep Day



I’ll keep this short, but suffice to say I survived another colonoscopy. This was my third since I turned 45. The standard thinking is to have one at age 50 and, if they don’t find anything, they don’t want to see your ass (pun intended) for 10 years. However, anyone like me, who shows signs of a possible pre-cancerous condition, gets the honor of having the procedure preformed every three years.

Lucky me!

The prep day as expected was a major pain in the ass (again pun intended). It was a long day of hunger, and lots of drinking, punctuated by short explosions of bowel material. (I’m trying to keep this entry as tasteful as possible. Besides, I couldn’t find a suitable term in Ur Spo’s Book of Big Words.)

The day of the event went as well as could be expected. Lots of questions from the registration, the first nurse, the surgeon, the second nurse, the anesthetist, and still another person who actually administered the anesthesia. Warrior Queen, meanwhile, amused herself with her knitting, snarky comments about the television in the waiting room, snarky comments about the healthcare business, all the while trying to relax after a restless night because yours truly had several bowel explosions in the middle of the night. 

I was done in about 20 minutes and the surgeon did not find any polyps this time. Yay! He did remind me that I have a diverticulous condition and mentioned something about those pesky internal hemorrhoids. My hemorrhoids and I go way back…1983 if memory serves me correctly. I have learned to live with them and treat them nicely so that they don’t make my rear end miserable.

We did not take any photos of our travails. No selfies with any of the staff, although the surgeon himself did snap a few photos as he traveled through my insides. We won’t be publishing those either. Warrior Queen has determined that publication of those pictures would probably violate every form of human decency known to mankind.

I think I’ll try to sell them to Fox News.

(Thank you for reading. Pardon me…I feel another explosion coming on!)

6 Comments:

Blogger Raybeard said...

Well, what a relief! (Pun intended). But seriously though, very pleased that you've been given the all clear, at least until the next time you're called in 2018. Almost as pleased to see that you've wisely done this posting unillustrated.
Anyway, I'm sure that you will have to endure other pains in the rump (e.g. another Presidential election) before you have to undergo these ones again.
Now here's to the years ahead!

July 30, 2015 at 9:57 AM  
Blogger Nadege said...

Happy that all went well for you. I had my first colonoscopy 2 or 3 years ago. I didn't like the prep day at all and actually threw up the last 2 cups. I think they are coming up with something better to take instead of that horrible powder.
I am sorry to say that I forget to read blogs. I do hope the feline family is happy and well adapted and Anne-Marie doing really well!

July 30, 2015 at 7:00 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Raybeard for the well wishes. Oh, yes, the 2016 Presidential race. each and every one of the candidates can be a hemmorrhoid in their own right.


Hi Nadege, thanks for checking in. We're (felines and humans) are all fine here.

August 2, 2015 at 12:26 PM  
Blogger anne marie in philly said...

@nadege: todd did not have to drink anything nasty; the prep was pills and a liquid diet (sorry, no booze). find a doctor that will use this method and you will be fine!

thanks for your kind thoughts; I guess you are busy with the new TV season!

August 3, 2015 at 6:50 AM  
Blogger Nadege said...

Hi Anne Marie! Our new TV season will start pretty soon. I just forget to check blogs. I went away from it a year ago and now completely forget about them which is too bad but I don't have the time to read them all.
I shouldn't have another colonoscopy for few years. Miralax was the powder I had to take mixed with water or any liquid. I just couldn't drink it anymore. What a HORRIBLE experience that was.
I am glad all is well in your world and the kitties fine. Mine is turning into a big fat kitty, lazy and incredibly happy!

August 3, 2015 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger anne marie in philly said...

@nadege - live your life and don't feel guilty about not keeping up with us!

August 8, 2015 at 9:04 AM  

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