A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Saturday, May 13, 2017

Coming Soon: The New Watergate Follies!

Hey boys and girls! Yes, I mean those of you born after 1975; you children of the 80s, 90s, and millennials!   Have you ever found yourself stuck in the ennui of the present, the tedium of your young lives?  Do you find yourself longing for the “good ole days” which we would define as any moment of time prior to your birth?   Do you wish that you could have been alive for some exciting times in our nation’s history like Vietnam and Watergate?

(Honestly, if you do, then we strongly suggest intense psychological counseling.  We’ll give you the name of a fellow we know in Arizona who could help.  Anyway, if you have never longed for the trauma that was the 70s, then please play along for the sake of this blog entry.)

We know how you have tried to feign interest whenever your elders wistfully recall the days when the major networks (all THREE of them) abandoned their soap opera schedule to show the five-days-a-week daily congressional hearings for months at a time into the comings and goings of all the president’s men.  We know that you have rolled your eyes when they recall where they were when they heard about the Saturday Night Massacre.  We know that you have grown weary as they recount watching Richard Nixon’s resignation speech on national television.

We also know that secretly you wish you could have something like that in your lives to take your minds off of the price of a latte at Starbucks, or the newest iPhone app, or even what Roger Ailes is doing and where is he groping the women now.  Well, wish no more!

With one wave of the Washington Swamp magic wand from Kellyanne Conway…poof!   Your wish has been granted.   Welcome to the NEW WATERGATE FOLLIES!

Now you too can relive the intense national trauma of a major political scandal.  Something juicy* you can sink your teeth into and follow with rapture.  Yes, these events now unfolding before our very eyes could lead to impeachment and/or resignation for this sorry ass excuse of a leader.

Things got off to a fine start this week when the President fired FBI Director James Comey for his handling of the Hillary Clinton e-mail investigation. Was Comey’s fall due to his inability to find anything prosecutable against Clinton or the fact that Comey’s ill-timed announcement that the investigation was being reopened only days before the election?  Did the President seek to punish Comey for upsetting the balance of the election which allowed him to steal the White House?

Our personal answers to these questions are “Doubtful” for question one and “Please don’t make me laugh” for question two.  I’m actually surprised I got through question two with a straight face.

Then there was the inevitable fallout from the firing.  Democrats were furious that Comey was dismissed just as he was ramping up the investigation into Russia’s influence on the 2016 election.  Republicans questioned the motive for the firing, but their sincerity was undermined by the lack of collective outrage on their side of the aisle.  The White House as usual was dumbfounded by the widespread negative reaction to what they believed to be a brilliant political move.

This time all the president’s men and women** defended the firing as based on the recommendations of the Acting Attorney General.  Amazingly the press secretary, the vice president, magic fairy Kellyanne and a Huckabee in-law were all on the same page with this explanation.  Somehow the President himself did not get the memo.  He publicly admitted in a televised interview that Comey’s firing was not due to a Justice Department memorandum, but hinted that it was due to the FBI investigation of the Russian hacking. 

Now there are hints from the President himself that his conversations with Comey may have been taped.  Holy Rosemary Woods, Batman! How will the White House unspool*** this narrative?

We now need to settle on a name for this newborn scandal.   New Watergate Follies might work for now, but it is a bit contrived.    

Trumpgate immediately suggests itself and might even become the official name when historians get around to writing this sordid story. 

Or what about Swampalot?  Hmm...this could work, as it suggests the state of morass in the present administration and yet suggests the forthcoming surreal twists and turns which will guide this scandal.

Suggestions and/or votes are kindly solicited from our readers.

*We realize that millennials might remember the Monica Lewinsky scandal, but we are not counting that witch hunt.  Frankly, we’re still bitter about the whole thing.

**Okay, kudos to the present regime for allowing women to publicly explain the rationale of the President’s action.  Hey, why should men be the only ones to jeopardize their careers in the name of blind political loyalty?

***Pun not only intended, but we’re going to jump in and wallow in it.

(Thank you for reading.  And stay tuned...)


Blogger Bob Slatten said...

I'm waiting for Melania to be this year's Deep Throat.
Oh ... wait ....

May 13, 2017 at 10:28 AM  
Anonymous Janey said...

How about we name this political scandal (and I believe that the worst is still to come) "Swamp Thing", in honor of President "Drain the Swamp", the '70s cheesy horror flick Swamp Thing (remember that, o children of the '70s?), and for the luscious and lovable actress who starred in Swamp Thing, Heather Locklear, who has repeated stated that doing that movie was the most embarrassing and regrettable moment of her career. Anyone else joining me on calling this current political shitshow "Swamp Thing" ?

May 13, 2017 at 3:45 PM  
Anonymous Old Lurker said...

All political scandals must end with "Gate". Do not question this.

But oh how I am stuck in the ennui of the present day. Why did I not come of age in the 70s? Free love! Disco! Easy access to barbituates! Clones! All of these are sadly inaccessible now. Sure: I probably would have gotten drafted and either died or ended up with PTSD. Every era has its drawbacks.

May 16, 2017 at 12:47 AM  
Blogger Dave R said...

Doesn't it seem like everyday this administration regurgitates something that should have gone out the other end.

May 16, 2017 at 6:58 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you, Bob. I'll enjoy that image of Melania for some time to come.

Thank you Janey for your suggestion. "Swamp Thing" might be a good code name for el Presidente, but we'll see as this thing does get worse.

Thank you Old Lurker. I grew up in that time and heard many wild stories. Sadly I did not get to participate in many of them....

May 16, 2017 at 7:00 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

I agree Dave R. For liberals it's like every day is Christmas.

May 16, 2017 at 7:03 AM  

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