arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Sunday, May 03, 2020

Sunday Morning Post (V.2, #17): An Open Letter to Life


Dear Life:

Hope this communication finds you well.  Just wanted to send you our thoughts since we’ve been separated due to recent events.
 
Let me come straight to the point:  life, we miss you.  I know we’ve grown distant in the last few months, but it is after all, for our own good.  Recent events have shown that we needed to step away from each other and think hard about how we got here and where we want to go in the future.  This has indeed been a time of serious reflection and, lord only knows, we’ve had nothing else to do in recent weeks then think and reflect.

We can only conclude that as humans, we have once again taken you for granted.  This was not the easiest of conclusions to reach, but when we take stock of all that surrounds us, we can only come to believe that we have erred again.  I say again because, as a student of history, I know that we have screwed up and you have reacted in kind before.

Now don’t act coy!  You know you’ve done this to us before.  Sometimes it’s been a war.  Sometimes it’s been natural disasters.  Other times it has been the plague, only we’re not calling it the plague this time.  We’re calling it a pandemic for reasons only modern science can tell us.

If only we had listened to modern science sooner…

Some among us believe that this “pandemic” is retaliation of a wrathful deity for allowing society to drift towards a set of mores and values that is alien to them. They further believe that the best way to battle this drift is to deny a certain segment of our culture their deity-given right to pursue happiness as they see fit.   Bollocks!

There are those among us who do not believe our current “time-out” is not the doing of a wrathful god.  Rather we believe that the present condition needs to be recognized as an opportunity for mankind to re-evaluate our selves.  I must admit that many of us also hope the pandemic will smite the intolerant from our midst, but I digress.

I know that when it comes to relating to you, life, we’ve been real jerks.  We expect you to follow our lead, when you being all wise, know that we’re not always meant to get our own way.  Many times, we stop, look you quizzically in the eye and ask, “What the hell, life?”  You never answer, just going about your own business and allowing events to happen.

I can’t promise we won’t continue to question you in the future — you know how humanity is afflicted with frustrating curiosity — but, okay if you insist.  I’ll come out and say it.

Life happens.  There I said it!  Hope you’re happy!

Anyway, I know we have treated you terribly in the past.  Oh, I wish I had a nickel for every time we’ve called you a bitch, and I doubt that will change in the future. But for now, I just want to humbly make this request.

Come home, life.  All is forgiven.  If you come back, we can make a better effort to be nicer to you.  If you come home, you can stay out with whoever you want and as late as you want.   You can eat and drink whatever your little heart desires.  We could prevail upon Warrior Queen to share her stash of Bluecoat gin with you.
Eh, life?  What do you think?

We just ask, you know, that you give us another chance to get ourselves together so we can survive this pandemic.

Together.

(Thank you for reading.  Um, I may have spoken to soon in regards to Warrior Queen sharing her gin.  We may have to negotiate with her on this point, but everything else is good to go.)

6 Comments:

Blogger Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hahahahaha, your postscript occurred to me as I was reading your post too.

May 3, 2020 at 10:29 AM  
Blogger Hot guys said...

Well, that was wonderful. Seriously.

Think we should all start writing letters.

And, to Life as well, just like you.

May 3, 2020 at 1:29 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

This is fun reading; it made me smile.
Life goes on and is still happening but not as we would like it to be at the moment but really that is how it always is most of the time.

May 3, 2020 at 3:25 PM  
Blogger Dave R said...

Life is still here, it's just a bit different for the time being, no doubt prepping for the Blue Vengeance coming this November

May 3, 2020 at 5:27 PM  
Blogger Bob said...

Life?We're sorry. Come baaaaaaaaaack!

May 3, 2020 at 7:40 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you, Debra. In fact WQ hadn't even completed publishing my entry before she gave a big thumbs down ti my offer. Oh well.

Thank you for your thoughts Hot Guys.

Thank you, Spo. I concur.

Ah, Blue Vengence. i like the sound of that, Dave R.

Thank you Bob. And please bring back the Chinese buffets!




May 4, 2020 at 8:19 AM  

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