arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, October 18, 2020

Sunday Morning Post (V.2, #41) - Funny Story*

Has anything like this ever happened to you?  You are a patient in a hospital, the resident physician tells you that you can go home, and they start the paperwork so you can get out.  So you sit waiting for the paperwork to be done when you get a call from the person who is supposed to be picking you up that they are in the emergency room of the only other hospital in your town and they don’t know when they will be released to pick you up.  This happened to me recently!

Hysterical, right?

I should first explain that I have had hospitalizations at least once a year in each of the last three years: 2017, pacemaker; 2018, left hip replacement; 2019, right hip replacement.  I was determined not to have any major medical issues in 2020.  I was sorely tempted to treat this as a New Year’s Resolution.  I never made that resolution because not only have I been awful at keeping resolutions, but I would have busted this one wide open had I made it.  

This year I have not only been hospitalized once, but I have set a new personal record for myself.  In the last four weeks I have spent at least one night in the local hospital on three separate occasions, and spent one Saturday afternoon in the emergency room. 

Take that, New Year’s Resolution!

Most of my health issues this year have been cardiac-related.  The first hospital stay began with the insertion of two stents.  I went home for about a week when I began having palpitations every day.  I was freaking out.  I called the cardiologist's office, who advised me to go to the emergency room.  This resulted in another short stay, another catherization to confirm that the stents had not blocked up and a follow up with another cardiac surgeon to examine my aortic valve which is also getting blocked up. 

The Saturday after my second hospital stay, I had issues with my bladder.   I drove myself to the emergency room where after a few tests and a visit from a urologist, they determined that I did have an infection.  I was given a five-day course of antibiotics and sent home. 

Two weeks ago, I was bound and determined to get through one full week without seeing the inside of an emergency room.  Twas not to be.

On Thursday afternoon, I am working at my computer when I have the worst chest pain I have ever felt.  I have had angina in the past.  I have had feelings of indigestion in the same general area.  I have had muscles spasms in the ribs on the left side.  This pain was all three of these combined.  I felt for sure that I was having “the big one” as Fred Sanford would refer to his frequent heart episodes.

Warrior Queen dutifully drove me to the emergency room, dropped me off since no one is supposed to come in with you due to COVID-19 restrictions, and returned home.  I was treated with the same level of urgency which I have had with my past emergencies, including blood work, EKG and a chest x-ray. **

My cardiologist agreed that I should be admitted for observation.  This was just a one-night stay.  My tests all came back normal; I did not have a heart attack. Rather, I had a stress-related anxiety episode which sure as hell felt like a major heart attack.  I was cleared to go home.

That’s when I got the call from my ride.  She would call me back when she knew more about her condition, and when they would release her.  I sat there reviewing my options.  Cab ride or Uber?  Ha!  All I had in my wallet was my photo ID and insurance card; no cash, no debit card, no credit cards.  I explained my situation to the nurse on duty.  She explained that if I was ready to go home and my ride wasn’t ready to get me, they could call Uber and the hospital would pay for it.

As luck would have it, my ride called back within an hour and said that she was being sent home.  Huzzah!  The best news I had heard in four weeks of catherizations, x-rays, blood work and other miscellaneous tests.  I told her to go home and rest until I knew when I was being released.  Another hour went by and I was able to call my ride to come get me.

And how was your September/October?

*Well, at least I can laugh about it now!

**Which reminds me.  Yo, Mr. President!  Where’s your chest x-ray?

(Thank you for reading.  PS:  Warrior Queen and I are both home and feeling better now.)

11 Comments:

Blogger Deedles said...

Good lord! All that's left is that your feet stink and you don't love Jesus!
I'm glad you're okayish. They need to name a wing after you :)

October 18, 2020 at 12:34 PM  
Blogger Debra She Who Seeks said...

Glad you're both better! And I hope that's all the hospital visits you will make for a long, long time!

October 18, 2020 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger Bob said...

Did you celebrate your anniversary in the ER???

Hope you're both fine. We're sending good thoughts your way!

October 18, 2020 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger anne marie in philly said...

and the dump's tax returns, and his COVID-19 test results, and and and...

October 18, 2020 at 5:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

patience above! stop all that! I suggest Christian Science.

October 18, 2020 at 6:17 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

PS - I am not anonymous!!!

October 18, 2020 at 6:18 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

yes I was but I am not - Blogger shenanigans are happening.

October 18, 2020 at 6:18 PM  
Blogger Dave R said...

I wouldn't be surprised if the stress from this fucking election is wearing you thin. I don't know about you, but I do wish someone would shove a potato in that man's mouth and then sew it shut.

October 18, 2020 at 7:47 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi Deedles. Even then I'm not so sure about my feet. Unfortunately they only name wings after philanthropists who give them lots of money. I may qualify for frequent bed night points.

I will keep my finger crossed that I am done with the hospital stays for the remainder of the year, Debra.

No, Bob. I was actually able to stay out of the ER for our anniversary.

Thank you Anonymous. It looks like I picked the wrong week to give up Christian Science. Patience above...hmmm.

Dear Board of Directors, Please come get Spo. He seems to be lost.

Stress about this election could be a large part of my ailments, Dave R. I've not ruled out that possibility.

October 19, 2020 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Glad to read you're feeling better!
You don't know me, but I adore Anne Marie and she said it was your anniversary, so Happy Anniversary!

XOXO

October 19, 2020 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you, Sixpence for the anniversary wishes.

October 21, 2020 at 6:50 AM  

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