A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Unanswered Questions: Gilligan's Island

Today’s blog subject was to be “Stupid Bush Administration Tricks”, but we have decided to give the President a break today.

Instead, we will pose questions about “Gilligan’s Island” as if they came from an inquisitive five year old that is no longer willing to suspend their disbelief about a famous television show from the 1960's. These questions have probably been asked before, namely at numerous water coolers or as morning DJ fodder down through the years. Did these questions ever get answers? We don't know, but we won't let that stop us from asking them again.

1. With only fruits and fish to eat, how did the Skipper keep his svelte 300-pound figure?

2. How did the castaways tolerate the Howell's frou-frou attitude and resist bashing in their bourgeois heads with coconuts?

3. How did the castaways forget about the concept of human reproduction? Okay, I mean sex. After three years on the island, we should've seen at least a little Gilligan or a little Professor running around, but nothing like that ever happened.

4. They're on an uncharted desert island, theoretically hundreds of miles from civilization, yet they get perfect reception on their portable AM radio with batteries that last forever.

5. Why was objection #4 not phrased as a question?

6. How could they concentrate on survival when that annoying theme song was playing everywhere?

7. How did Ginger get her gown (you know, the one that looked as fresh on day one, season one as it did when the series was canceled) dry-cleaned?

8. How come the "Lord of the Flies" scenario was never considered as an episode?

9. After three years, didn't Mary Anne get sick and tired of alternately baking coconut cream and banana cream pies day after day, month after month, and year after year?

10. If the castaways were so anxious to get off the island, then why didn't they just go home every night with the director, camera crew, sound technicians, make-up crew, and all the rest?

DISCLAIMER: The change to today's blog subject matter has nothing to do with ominous e-mails warning about too many anti-Bush blog entries, or the kind e-mail invitation to ‘go hunting’ with Dick “The Trigger” Cheney.


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