A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, March 12, 2006

When Sports Teams Visit

Compete…play…go up against…versus…try for a win…snap a losing streak…continue a winning streak…. These are all terms and phrases that sports announcers can use when stating that one team will play another team in an upcoming sports event. These terms all bring images of intense competition between opposing factions, the raw energy needed for one team to conquer another team’s efforts. I realize the announcers use a variety of phrases for a game to break the monotony of their job, but some terms do not convey the same sense of passion that the sporting event demands.

One such term is “visit”. The strangeness of this term hit me recently when a local newscaster said that the Philadelphia Flyers would visit Boston. Somehow the word “visit” doesn’t quite bring to mind that a game will be played.

A “visit” to me would be that the entire team would agree to get together at the residence of a designated player on the other team. And, coincidentally, the entire other team is also gathered at this player’s house. I can only guess what they might do, perhaps watch Jerry Springer and munch on popcorn. They’d probably talk about their problems and the pitfalls of being highly-paid sports figures, what a jerk Drew Rosenhaus is, and that would bring them to the subject of football. They’d commiserate how they’re playing the wrong sport, and that if they were football players there’s a chance that they could visit the Eagles. If that happens, then they might get to go to Donovan McNabb’s house where his mother would serve chunky chicken noodle soup. But no, they’re not football players and they’re stuck munching on popcorn.

Eventually one of the players would look around and notice, “Hey guys! We’ve got enough people here to shoot the puck! Whadda ya say?” Then, they might play a game, but it’s doubtful.

On the other hand, a case could be made for hiring out game officials for family functions. Lord only knows many families could use this service during the holidays. Think about this. Say Uncle Rob makes an off-color remark about something that cousin Mel is wearing. A referee could penalize Uncle Rob the loss of pumpkin pie for dessert.

Or the nephews are left unsupervised with the unopened gifts under the Christmas tree at Grandma’s house. An alert referee could blow the whistle and call off sides if the nephews try to open the gifts before the rest of the family is gathered together. There might be some value to this idea.

So for now, we’ll allow teams to “visit”. Keep in mind the next time you watch a hockey game on television, and you see that the visiting team is looking rather glum, that they may not be unhappy about the score or their performance in the game. They’re probably down because they’d rather be slurping chunky chicken noodle soup at Mrs. McNabb’s.


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