A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, December 31, 2006

New Year 2007

I predict that this coming year will be like all the previous years of my life. It will start with hopes, desires for a fulfillment of wishes, and promises of happiness. It will end with shattered dreams, bitter disappointment and profound depression. Hey, it’s my German ancestry rising to the top again. What did you expect?

Actually it will begin with a kick-ass party at our neighbor’s (Terry and Sally) house. There we will gather with neighbors and friends for drinking, munching on finger food (I must ask Sally this year how she bakes up all those yummy fingers), drinking, making fun at yesterday celebrities trying to make a comeback on VH1, and drinking. After several drinks, things will get very silly. We will make up gross jokes about people less fortunate than ourselves, do Dick Clark impersonations, and giggle endlessly when my wife tries to make a sentence out of two totally unrelated words. Yes, we can be cruel, but we know it’s the beer and wine talking, and not a reflection of our true selves.

The fun doesn’t end with everyone going home and leaving the hosts to clean up after us. I know that the hostess will get the last laugh. While we are recovering from our hangovers the next day, she will be posting photos of us in various stages of inebriation on her website. Some of these photos are suitable for blackmail, but that’s the nice thing about Sally. She has posted these photos three years in a row, and has not asked for one dime in all that time.

Anyway, since nobody asked me to post this, here are my resolutions for 2007:

1. I will eat less, and exercise more, and hopefully the result will be some sort of weight loss.

2. I will give up the naïve notion that peace can be achieved between everyone living in the Middle East.

3. I will eat less, and drink more, and hopefully I will look upon life with a rosier attitude.

4. I mean, come on, they’ve been hating and fighting each other for thousands and thousands of years now.

5. I will try very hard to give George W. Bush all the respect that the leader of the free world deserves in my blog.

6. Look at it this way, this system has worked for them for years. If it didn’t work for them, then obviously they would’ve stopped fighting a long time ago.

7. Scratch resolution #5.

8. Who are we to come in and butt into their conflict? After all, who died and made the United States boss over everything?

9. I will take steps to do something else with my life than what I’ve been doing for the last twenty years. Yes, this is my mid-life crisis calling.

10. If they want to go nuclear, then fine. Just don’t come crying to us when this Earth is nothing more than a hollow, radioactive shell and none of the land is worth fighting over anymore.

Sincere wishes for a Happy New Year from arteejee!


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