Keep Warm, Mr. President

In keeping with the benevolent spirit of the season, I will refrain from my usual Bush-bashing and send a heartfelt message to the President. This is not an easy time for him. Many of his friends and colleagues are moving out of town, and winter is setting in. It could be a very cold winter at the White House. With this in mind, here are my suggestions for old papers and documents which he may find useful to burn in the Lincoln bedroom fireplace to keep himself warm.

1. The Iraq Study Group Recommendations. Oh, come on. You knew you were going to burn this before the report was complete.

2. Old love letters from Condi.

3. The new Bob Woodward book, “State of Denial”. No, not his previous two books that made you look like the greatest thing since sliced bread, but his most recent one that makes you look clueless and out of touch with reality.

4. Old love letters from Ann Coulter.

5. Blank thank you cards with the words “Thanks For Doing A Heckuva Job” embossed in silver on the cover.

6. Everything ever written by Michael Moore.

7. Old Kerry/Edwards 2004 signs.

8. Everything ever written by Al Franken.

9. The US Constitution, specifically the parts you haven’t already shredded. This is nice, dry yellow parchment that should make very good kindling for your fire.

10. Printed copies of every entry in this blog which has dared to say nasty things about you. I’ll make this easy for you to figure out. That would roughly be every other entry I’ve made in this blog since I started it eleven months ago.

Hope this list helps! Keep warm, Mr. President!