A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Monday, August 13, 2007

What’s Your Spin!

(Television audience applause and cheesy production music up under announcer’s message.)

Announcer: “It’s time once again to play the most popular game inside the Beltway - What’s Your Spin! And here is our host, Rhett Crit!”

Crit: “Thanks, Abdul, and welcome everyone to another episode of What’s Your Spin! The game show where politicians take the most serious crisis of the day and spin it to make themselves look good to the rest of the world. Last time, we left off with the Red Team represented by the Bush White House. Welcome back, guys!”

Dubya, Dick and Karl: “Hi, thanks. Great to be here.”

Crit: “And the Blue Team represented by the Democratic Congressional Leadership.”

Nancy, Harry and Hillary: “Hello.” “Hi!”

Crit: “I hope you’re all ready to play. Everyone knows how this is done, right? I’ll read a statement summarizing an important issue, and each team will get a chance to make a statement about that issue. Ready? Okay, our first statement today is: Global warming does exist and will have catastrophic consequences for all life on Earth. Blue Team, I believe you won the toss. What’s your statement?”

Hillary: “Hi, Rhett. Well, this is just another example of how the President and his men have ignored the dire predictions of the world’s scientists because it didn’t fit in with their political agenda.”


Crit: “Okay, Hillary. Red Team?”

Dubya: “Yes, we realize that global warming is a very serious issue and that means we take this issue very seriously. But let’s look at this cloud’s silver lining. In two hundred years, the poverty-stricken residents of Appalachia won’t have to drive hundreds of miles to the get to the beach, because they’ll be living on waterfront property.”


Crit: “Okay, Blue Team, back to you. The latest information out of Iraq shows that our troops will need to stay there until 2009.

Nancy: “Thanks, Rhett. We knew before the President started this war that there would be no easy way out. This report just reaffirms our stand that this war should never have begun.”


Crit: “Red Team? I see you’re huddled down there. Time for your answer.”

Dick: “Well, Crit, this timeline is a positive thing for all the troops currently serving in Iraq. They won’t have to worry about job security for the next two years!”


Crit: “Okay, back to you, Blue Team! The latest intelligence reports show that al-Qaeda is gathering strength on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border.

Harry: “Thanks, Rhett. Once again we see where the war in Iraq has taken our attention away from the real war on terror. The enemy was and is in Afghanistan, not Iraq, not Iran! Now al-Qaeda is stronger in both countries and we have to fight a two front war.”


Crit: “Red Team? Okay, I need your answer now.”

Dubya, Dick and Karl (chanting in unison): “9/11, 9/11, 9/11, rah, rah, rah! 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, rah, rah, rah!”


Crit: “Wow, guys! Thanks! I don’t know about you, but my head is spinning. That’s all the time we have this week. Next week on What’s Your Spin!, Lou Dobbs will take on the entire Cuban population of Miami. Until then, spin, spin, spin!”

(Television audience applause and cheesy production music up under announcer’s message.)


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