A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

After All, This is America

It was reported a few weeks ago that Senator Larry Craig (R–ID) has pled guilty to committing lewd acts in a Minneapolis airport men’s room. The incident and the pleas happened months ago, and the Senator hoped that by doing so, the matter would get swept under the carpet. Instead, it is the Senator who got swept under the carpet. The story leaked out anyway, and one week later the Senator resigned from government amid pressure from his own party to leave. I don’t know what the Senator expected; after all, this is America.

I’m surprised at how quickly the GOP members of Congress reacted to the news. Within one week, he was stripped of his leadership positions on congressional committees, then shown the door. Jeez, the Democrats didn’t even get a chance to convene an ethics probe. It’s as if the Republicans are in denial, “What possibly homosexual Senator from Idaho? There’s no one here except us forthright, upstanding, family value conservatives.”

The GOP is no fun anymore. I have to wonder why they dealt with this issue so quickly. There are several possibilities:

1. The Senator did plead guilty to the acts described in the complaint. True, but our maxim for American justice is that the accused is innocent until proven guilty. The Senator may never get the chance to prove his contention that he was entrapped, now that he has resigned. Also, many people recant their original guilty pleas and their cases are allowed to proceed through the judicial system. Why is the Senator being treated differently?

2. The Senator is a closeted gay even though he has always presented himself as a champion of family values. Okay, so this makes him a hypocrite. What else is new? There would be very few people left in Congress if we applied this hypocrisy standard to everyone serving in Washington.

3. The Senator is gay, period. This is unforgivable in the eyes of the conservative Republican leadership, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the real reason Senator Craig was kicked out so quickly. Honestly, this sort of thing makes any otherwise sane man want to go and bang Tucker Carlson’s head against a restroom stall. Mind you, I’m not anti-Tucker Carlson or anything like that, heaven knows.

4. The Senator is not gay and is a victim of entrapment, but the Republican Congressional leadership doesn’t want to be bothered pursuing this since it will take attention away from their other problems. Okay, no one believes this for one second, but I thought I should throw it out here since we’re considering all the angles of this story.

So, the Senator will now spend his time clearing his name. Good luck with that, ex-Senator! You do realize that you’ve hired Michael Vick’s lawyer, and we all see what an excellent job he did with that case!

Otherwise Americans have now been deprived of lurid talk about the scandal around the water cooler, endless hours of congressional testimony on C-Span, and repeated accusations and counter-accusations in the media. There is, however, one thing we can do to keep this story alive. Men can go into the restrooms at their respective businesses, widen their stance over a commode as Senator Craig claims to have done, and see how far they can stretch their legs under the wall of the adjacent stall without falling over or allowing their scrotum to hit the water inside the bowl. Yes, this sounds childish and exactly the type of stupid thing men would do after a few beers, but after all, this is America.


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