A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, December 14, 2007

Lively Quotes (Maybe)

Recently, I overheard someone say that the staff meetings with their supervisors were boring. I offered my two cents by suggesting that a dull meeting could be enlivened with a controversial quote by someone like, oh, say, Hitler. I don’t know why I chose him, but his was the first name to pop into my head.

Actually, I do know why I’m picking on Hitler. I can’t pass up the chance to demean his stupid, hypocritical, racist political philosophy. History has no choice but to consider him as one the most influential and notorious leaders of the 20th century. Still, he was a jerk.

I wouldn’t suggest any of his published quotes from Mein Kampf. Such material has proven to liven up meetings a bit too much, besides being too distracting for the meeting’s goal. Instead, I will offer the following short list of quotes Hitler could have said, but because we’re delving once more into historical theory, we have no way to prove that he actually said these things.

1. Careful Eva! Don’t be so rough with the family jewel.
2. Psst! Goebbels has a clubfoot. Pass it on!
3. Hey Leni! Photograph this!
4. Psst! Himmler is a jerk. Pass it on!
5. I thought about calling it the First Reich, then I tried the Second Reich. I don’t know. Third Reich has a certain ring to it. It just rolls off the tongue.
6. Psst! Mussolini’s feet stink! Pass it on!
7. My doctor wants to put me on a kosher diet. I don’t know...what do you think?
8. Psst! Hirohito talks funny! Pass it on!
9. Honest, Eva! There is nothing going on between Leni and me!

I realize that not everyone will know to what these quotes refer, but I’ll bet that any historian who reads this is laughing his/her butt off right now. Please feel free to use any of these quotes at your next staff meeting or cocktail party. Better yet, just ignore this list and we’ll all pretend that this blog entry never happened!


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