A Tentative Schedule for the Summer 2008 Republican National Convention

An e-mail making the rounds of the Internet in recent months posted a supposed tentative schedule for the 2008 Democratic National Convention. It was satiric in nature and all but confirmed that Hillary Clinton would be “coronated” (their term) as President. Well, not to be outdone, we will now give equal time to the Republican National Convention.

9:00a – Opening Ceremony
Scheduled to appear: Ann Coulter dressed as Miss Liberty will use her torch to set Al Franken’s hair on fire

9:15a – Ceremonial Burning of the First Amendment

9:30a - Workshop: Hunting Down Liberal Lawyers for Fun and Profit, But Mostly for Fun by Vice President Dick Cheney

9:45a – Consecration in Stone of the Second Amendment

10:00a - Dividing a Nation: a video tribute to Karl Rove

10:30a - Ceremonial Burning of Amendments 3-10

11:30a – Workshop: Hunting Down Illegal Immigrants by conservative commentator Lou Dobbs

12:15p–1:30p Meal Break
Entertainment provided by Rudy Guiliani and his one-man show, “Il Duce: The Lighter Side of Benito Mussolini”

1:30p - Ceremonial Burning of the Constitution and all the other Amendments

1:45p–7:00p - Now showing on the convention Jumbotron, a marathon of “Law and Order” episodes featuring nominee Fred Thompson

7:00p–8:30p - Final tally of all delegations

8:30p - Acceptance of the nomination for President by Senator John McCain (live via satellite from the Barry M. Goldwater Home for Very Old Conservatives in Tucson, Arizona)

10:00p — Sacrificial burning of a typical liberal Democrat (hosted once again by the lovely, yet spiteful, Ann Coulter)