A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Will Smith and the “G” Word

There is so much terribly wrong with the world today. As I write this, we are reeling from the tragedy of Benazir Bhutto’s assassination earlier today in Pakistan. A great voice of democracy has been silenced, and many observers see the event as a blow to the United States' efforts to bring stability to the region. Naturally, our President will take this opportunity to use Bhutto’s death as proof that the terrorists will stop at nothing to halt the march of liberty throughout the world. It is for this reason that I will devote the rest of this blog to my original choice of subject for today: an American entertainer and a very minor, inconsequential misunderstanding in the media.

Will Smith — Philadelphia native, rap artist, film actor and entrepreneur — has recently added “Hitler commentator” to his resume. According to reports published last weekend in a Scottish newspaper, Smith is quoted as saying, “Even Hitler didn’t wake up going, ‘Let me do the most evil thing I can do today.’ I think he woke up in the morning and, using a twisted backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was g---.” I will explain why I didn’t spell out the “g” word (which will be revealed at the bottom of this entry for those of you who aren’t getting it)*, but we should first note the fall out from Smith’s remark. Celebrity gossip web sites took this comment and claimed that Smith said Hitler was a g--- person. Smith has angrily denied this interpretation of his remarks.

Smith’s only error was to use the words “Hitler” and the “g” word within close proximity to each other in the same sentence. By close proximity, I mean that these two words should not be used within a distance of ten miles of each other. Many other people have used the “g” word to describe Hitler and have been rightly crucified for it. For example, there is the case of the late, but not necessarily lamented, owner of the Cincinnati Reds, Marge Schott. She made the same mistake, but because nobody liked her, nobody gave a damn when her reputation went down in flames.

This brings us to Will Smith’s reputation. His basic life philosophy is very upbeat, very positive and happy. This is all very nice, but the media can’t tolerate people like this. Why? Because they can’t make any money off a happy, upbeat personality.

The media cannot sell advertising time or space in their shows or newspapers if all they ever put out is “g---“ news. They know that no one will buy their product if they don’t publish tragedy (e.g., the Bhutto assassination) and drama. One publisher in San Francisco tried publishing a paper full of “g---“ news years ago; the paper folded within weeks. “G---“ news often comes free, but bad news is going to cost you.

The media has been waiting for Will Smith to make a faux pas like this for years. Now they can party! Stop the presses! Order the extra editions! Break out the Moet ’72!

We should also consider the source where Will Smith’s comments were published. Scotland is a country, after all, which is barren, cold and mountainous; where the men wear short skirts; gave us a pasttime in which grown adults chase a small ball all over God’s g--- earth with clubs; and the natives can’t find a mythical sea creature in one of their lakes to save their lives. Please understand I am not saying any of this to denigrate the g--- country of Scotland. It has given us such wonderful people as Sean Connery, Sir Harry Lauder, and last, but not least, Jimmy Finlayson. I’m just saying we need to consider the source.

As for Will Smith, I hope he’s learned a valuable lesson from all this. Still, this won’t stop the media from having their way with any comments Smith may make in the future. Some unscrupulous members of the media could very easily take the words “Bhutto” “assassination” and “Will Smith” from this blog entry and string them together in a sentence to make God only knows what assertions. These damn blogs are no better than those damn celebrity gossip web sites! They can’t get anything right!

*The password is “good”.


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