A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, September 05, 2008

A Slogan for Grandpa McCain

I hate to think that some people might believe that I am a staunch middle-of-the-road liberal who refuses to see the other guy’s point of view. Despite my writings on this blog, that is not the real me. In reality, I try to see all angles of a situation, figure out all solutions to a problem, and understand all points of view.

To that end, I should write a few kind things about John McCain. It would be only fair, even though I’m not bound by any pesky Fairness Doctrine. In fact, I’ll go one better, I’ll offer to help the McCain campaign in one area: a slogan!

I’ve noticed that John McCain doesn’t have a catchy slogan on his quest for the White House. (Country First is very ho-hum.) Obama has the highly effective Yes We Can! It’s effective because it’s short, easy to remember, and highly affirmative. I may remind you that just the word YES printed in a London art gallery many years ago led John Lennon to Yoko Ono. It was a positive message that forever altered the course of their lives. Obama’s message is similarly upbeat and downright melodic when chanted by 80,000 people in a stadium where the oxygen level is thinner than one of the Olson twins.

How about Four More Years. It’s brief, it’s catchy, and it sounds wonderful as chanted by hundreds of people. Now I can see an obvious objection already: McCain hasn’t served a term as President yet, so how can he use this slogan? Am I not in fact swallowing the liberal argument that a McCain term will be nothing more than a third term for George W. Bush?

To this question I will answer, “Ummm...yes, guilty as charged!” Look, the man himself has admitted that he voted with the President more than 90% of the time. Why should I believe that he would do anything differently? Maverick Schmaverick!

A vote for McCain could mean four more years of deficit spending, four more years (at least) of a costly war in Iraq, and four more years of no meaningful reforms for energy, the environment, or health care. This slogan would be an honest representation of McCain’s views, given his admission of his congressional voting record. Also consider this: IF John McCain is elected President, and IF his age doesn’t preclude him from running for a second term, then he can recycle this slogan for his next run without having to hire some hoity-toity political consultant to dream up a new theme for him.

Okay, then what about this: McCain...he’s paid his dues! He’s entitled! This is a tricky one, because most recently this could have served as the theme for several Democratic candidates: think Teddy Kennedy in 1980, or Hillary Clinton in...well, you remember. This would involve McCain dusting off his war experience – five-and-a-half-years in a POW camp and all that — again! It’s also tricky because he could come off as arrogant and elitist, which is a label he has been too eager to heap upon Obama.

If that one doesn’t work, then how about: Hey guys! Check out my running mate! She’s hot! As we can see, this is a totally original, if wordy slogan. I know, I know, it’s also shallow, superficial and outrageously sexist. Hey, this is America, the country that gave the world “American Idol”; shallow and superficial fits. As for the sexist charge, let’s look at Sarah Palin’s stand on feminist issues – ha, ha! She’ll never be a poster child for NOW. As for brevity, we can shorten the theme to this: McCain and Palin, Old and Hot!

Okay, so maybe my suggestions haven’t been much help. I’ll rest easier tonight knowing that I gave this issue my best shot. Good luck to both candidates getting their messages out in the next eight weeks.


Post a Comment

<< Home