A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Pope Sees The Light!

Startling news from the Vatican this week with reports that Pope Benedict XVI has seemed to reverse his position on the use of condoms. In a book length interview to be released today, the Pope has stated there are times when the use of a condom can be justified. He noted that male prostitutes could use condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS. Keeping in mind that earlier the same Pope stated that distribution of condoms would only worsen the epidemic, these newest comments are all the more earth-shattering!

Okay, truth be told the world did not spilt apart and implode upon itself when the Vatican released the comments ahead of the book's publication. Also, there were no reports of cats and dogs moving in together, no signs of the sky catching fire, or any sightings of a massive locust invasion. Although Bristol Palin’s continued success on Dancing with the Stars despite the expert judges’ dismissal of her hoofing talents may be a sign of a coming apocalypse. Stay tuned...

The Pontiff has appeared in these entries before. In the course of those past entries, I could not resist the opportunity to remark (I’ll admit cattily) on some pronouncement of his which reinforced the notion that the Church was regressing back to the Dark Ages. Even now, I am trying my best to side step any commentary on his latest statement. It would not be dignified for me to speculate where the Pope is leading the Church with this revised attitude. To that end, a journey on the high road of life is many times rewarded with a renewed sense of heightened ideals of justice and integrity.

On the other hand, taking the high road too much could aggravate one’s fear of heights. So, what the hell...!

There are some great opportunities ahead if the Pope decides to put his statement into practice. I can see a section of the Vatican set aside (in the basement, natch) for the first of a franchise retailing chain: Benny’s Procreation Emporium! Yes, come to Benny’s for all the latest in procreation advice and devices for prevention (wink wink). Benny’s will offer their own line of holy rubbers to prevent the spread of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. I can just see the ads for this new venture now: “We will not sell Trojans! We will sell our own house brand, Little Christian Soldiers.”

Okay, I think I got it out of my system. I know I’m burning in hell for this, but I do feel better now...

Actually, on further thought, this venture is probably doomed from the start. Really, would anyone trust an organization that is committed to the notion of being fruitful to actually sell condoms? Even if they do make an attempt to market them in good faith (no pun intended), should the buyer beware that they are getting a quality product for their money?

For example, what would stop them from offering “holely” (misspelling intentional) rubbers. These Little Christian Soldiers could be faulty, being perforated with a microscopic hole. The holely condom might fail to spread AIDS, but it could produce a pregnancy. This way, they could stay in good with the “man upstairs” (wink wink).

The Pope will undoubtedly take a lot of criticism for his new stance, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the more conservative members of the Church give some thought to “retiring” the Pontiff (wink wink). Many progressive thinking people should commend the Pope for seeing the light on this subject and exercising common sense over rigid religious dogma. There is hope yet that the Church may step out of the Dark Ages after all.

(Thank you for reading. Please remember not to fear common sense. It can be just as useful to living a good life as age old beliefs.)


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