A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

One Percent Motors, Inc.

Sales Person: “Hi folks!  Welcome to One Percent Motors!  What can I do for you today?"

Husband: “Well, we’re thinking about getting a new vehicle, something that will move us forward. Oh, by the way, my name is He-Can’t-Make-Up-His-Mind, and this is my wife, Undecided-Can’t-Make-Up-Her-Mind."

Wife: “Hi! My friends call me Unde!”

Sales Person: “Nice to meet you! Are you looking to trade?"

Husband: ”Well, all we have to offer is our old car over there…”

Sales Person: “Oh, yes, a 2008 Obama! It looks like it has seen better days!”

Husband: “I don’t know, it seemed like a good purchase at the time, but…."

Sales Person: “But it fell short of its promises! Yeah, I hear that a lot about that model. Well, let’s see what we can do for you…hey, can I interest you in a 2013 Romney? Here’s a model over here….”

Wife:  “Oooohhh….”

Sales Person: “It’s sleek, stylish, yet ‘not elegantly stated'! There’s been a lot of interest in this model.”

Husband: “Hmm, I don’t know. What kind of mileage does it get?”

Sales Person: “That has yet to be determined."

Husband: “What?”

Sales Person: “What I mean is, I could give you a number, but you might take it and twist it all around to make it mean what you want it to mean. So the mileage hasn’t been released yet. It’s something that isn’t automatically a given. It has to be tested and debated in the public realm. You know what I’m saying.”

Wife: “Umm, no.”

Husband: “Isn’t the Romney missing a few things?”

Sales Person: “Missing? Like what?”

Husband: “Like a body? 

Sales Person: “Body?”

Husband: “Yeah, you know, pieces of sheet metal fitted around the framework, painted and shined to look attractive to the consumer. All I can see is the metal framework."

Sales Person: “Oh. That body.”  

Wife: “How does it go?”

Sales Person: “What do you mean?”

Wife: “How does it go? Where’s the engine?”

Sales Person: “That has yet to be determined.”

Husband: “What? It has to be determined if it has an engine or not?”

Sales Person: “Okay, I know what you’re thinking. The Romney is not a complete car, I’ll admit that. In fact, it’s a work in progress.”

Wife: “Hey, is that a pet carrier strapped on top?”

Sales Person: “Yes, but the good news is that the carrier is not an option. It comes standard with all models.”

Husband: “Oh, I don’t know. It doesn’t look like it’s ready to be functional yet. Any ideas on when it will be ready?”

Sales Person: “Well, let me check my laptop here and see if we have any news from the factory on a completion date. Hmm...uh-huh...”

Husband: “What? What do you see?”

Sales Person: “Just a moment, it’s still coming through…”

Wife: "Hey, wait a minute, that’s not a laptop! That’s an Etch-A-Sketch!”

Sales Person: “What? Oh, yeah, well you should’ve been here last week when all I had was an Eight Ball.”

Husband: “I’m not surprised!”

Sales Person: “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!"

Wife: “Well, at least it comes with a large trunk. Look at all of the baggage displayed in this model.”

Sales Person: “That’s not a display, ma’am. All that luggage comes with the car.

Wife: “It comes with the car?”

Sales Person: “Again, standard equipment. The Romney comes with a lot of baggage.”

Husband: “Okay, I’ve seen enough. Thanks for your time, but I think we’ll hold on to our car for a little while longer.”

Sales Person: “Wait, wait! Can I interest you in something else? Maybe something pre-owned?"

Wife: “Like?”

Sales Person: “Well, like the 2012 Gingrich!”

Wife: “Pre-owned? That’s an understatement!”

Husband and Wife (unison): “Baggage!”

Sales Person: “Or how about the 2009 Palin! It’s known for its great legs - I mean mileage, great mileage! It runs on sound bites and moose manure…”

Husband: “Bye! Let’s get out of here, Unde!”

(Thanks for reading. Remember, friends shouldn’t let other friends vote Republican and drive.)


Blogger Bob said...

Sheer genius!

September 18, 2012 at 8:52 AM  
Anonymous Janey said...

Very clever indeed!

But what about the very attractive Paul Ryan tight little glovebox? :-) ('cause you yet again mentioned Palin's legs)

Love, Janey

September 19, 2012 at 5:50 AM  

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