arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Welcome, Paul Ryan! (Graciously!)


Come on in, Mr. Ryan! Let me give you a tour of the blog which will savage, I mean celebrate, you during the next three months.

Well, this is it! I admit it’s not much to look at. I don’t offer videos or music, but just good old-fashioned Yankee rhetoric! Oh, I know, you may have heard that our product is not so much Yankee as neo-liberal, and not so much rhetoric as obsessive hyperbole, but we call it home!

Well, I guess you know we’re big fans of the President here. Surely you knew that as soon as you saw the Hope decal on our back door. I know the economy hasn’t quite turned out like we and the President had hoped it would by now, but we still have faith in him. Sometimes it just takes a little longer for faith to be rewarded, but I don’t have to tell you that, being a devout Roman Catholic and all that.

Oh, what’s that under your arm? A copy of Atlas Shrugged…for me? Aw, thank you. I will accept your gift graciously and cherish it always! Will you excuse me for a moment, while I whisper a witty, neo-liberal aside to my wife? Thanks.

(Here, dear. Put this book in the box marked: Donations: Impact Thrift Store. You don’t have to handle it like that…it’s not radioactive. Please just put it in the box…graciously!)

Oh, where were we? Well, this is the kitchen where my editor and I nourish ourselves and our cats, Meredith and Nyla. Then, over here, just off the kitchen, we have the Rush Limbaugh Room. I know you’re surprised that we would have a space devoted to the most conservative of talk show hosts, and hostile opponent to liberals everywhere, but there you are! Feel free to use the room, just don’t forget to flush.

Here’s our Gaffe Closet. We used to be able to keep all of the gaffes performed on the campaign trail in a printer paper box, but this year the gaffes overflowed. We only use them in emergencies. If we’re stuck for a blog entry, we’ll pull one out of the closet and breathe new life into it. Oh, by the way, feel free to contribute to our closet at any time.

Here’s the living room; this is where the magic happens! I do my blog over here in the back, while my wife creates her own blog on her laptop. What? Her blog is called From My Brain to My Mouth. In fact, you can hear her blog from here! It does sound like they are having fun over there, doesn’t it? What? You want to join them? Oh, I don’t know if you should. Honestly, I think you may cramp their style. Trust me!

So, you’ve seen the sights of my blog. Now let’s get down to business! Any skeletons in your closet? Any questionable deductions on your tax returns? Any donations from people like, oh, let’s say, Adolf Hitler?

Any family pets? Any embarrassing stories about your family pets? Any embarrassing family pet stories like Romney’s “dog on the car roof” that may not play well in the swing states? Hmmm?

Come on, you can tell us! We’re all friends here! Anyway, we’ll find these stories sooner or later. Hell, half the fun is in tracking them down!

Seriously, Arteejee is all for tolerance of other people’s viewpoints, as long as you respect our viewpoints too! Well, in theory any way. In practice, well, let’s admit that sometimes our emotions overcome our good intentions, and everybody goes nasty on everyone else. Sure, it’s interesting and makes good copy in the media, but really, does it ever get us any closer to resolving our problems?

What I’m getting at is the idea of compromise in government. You know, that virtue which enables all of us with some modicum of intelligence to see something positive in the other person’s point of view? Then we agree that the positive is enough to make us soften our own views, then offer to give in just a bit if the other side gives in just a bit.

Then we progress, and no one should feel like they caved in completely. Still, there should be some sense of satisfaction on both ends, knowing that everyone worked together to solve a problem. I know this is a new concept to you and the others in Congress; and when I say others in Congress, I am talking about both sides of the aisle.

Oh, you have to go? Sorry to see you leave so soon. Oh, you have more campaign stops to make? More opportunities to trash Obama? That’s nice! Good luck with that! Buh-bye!

(Okay, dear, you can come out now. The big, bad conservative is gone.)

Well, now that he’s gone, I can go back to my blog entry. Let’s see what we have so far. Hmmm...a few witty asides…a free plug for my wife’s blog…a cheap shot involving Romney’s dog…a plea for tolerance and compromise…hmm, this one is looking a little thin. I guess I better raid the gaffe closet!

(Thank you for reading. Remember that a little TLC – tolerance loving compromise - never hurt anyone!)

2 Comments:

Blogger Bob said...

Well, you were a much more gracious host than I would have been, although, we, too, have a Rush Limbaugh Room!

How funny,

August 16, 2012 at 10:38 PM  
Anonymous Janey said...

Okay, RTG, for years I've had to put up with your fawning adoration and lust for that beautiful idiot, Sarah Palin. So here goes: I think Paul Ryan is HOT!!! :-) I'd love to give him a tour of my home; I could show him my new bedspread.

And in my house, we call that place where I wash that man right out of my hair The Ronald Reagan Room!

Love,
Janey

August 17, 2012 at 6:28 AM  

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