A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Liberal Dilemma and Hatefest

I had a certain perplexing experience happen to me recently and I wondered, “What as a liberal am I morally obligated to do?”

Here is my dilemma: while driving home from work one day, I happened to get behind a car which had a Romney 2012 bumper sticker on it. At first I thought that perhaps it would be best if bumper stickers — especially those with a political bent — would fade and disintegrate with each rainstorm. This is one reason I don’t put bumper stickers on my cars: they don’t fade after the election is over. They stay and linger forever like the girlfriend that hangs around and never delivers (if you know what I mean) on her end of the deal. Not that I’m speaking from experience — if I don’t count a whole third of my life between 1977 and 19…I’m sorry what I was ranting about? Oh, bumper stickers!

Anyway, I saw a Romney 2012 sticker on the car ahead of me and I wondered what my options were. I immediately ruled out running the poor deluded soul off the road, possibly committing an act for which I would plead euthanasia, and laughing cruelly as I sped by. That is simply not a thing a nice person does, or at least a person who wants to be perceived as nice would do in this situation.

I decided on three options, which I am throwing open comment/discussion/debate by you, the reader:

  • Utter “Tsk, tsk, there but for the grace of God go I,” and go about my business; or

  • Speed up, pass them, slam on the brakes which forces them to stop, jump out, point at the car and laugh hysterically; or

  • Speed up, pass them, slam on the brakes which forces them to stop, jump out, climb onto their hood and do a happy dance chanting all the while, “Go Obama! Go Obama! Go Obama!”

Choose one of these or suggest another.   .

Of course, being a Romney supporter, chances are good that they would pack a concealed weapon, which they could use to dispatch me before I could get up on their hood. Typical! Romney conservatives can be a humorless lot!

If you believe that my initial urge to run the poor Romney supporter off the road as a mercy killing was an extreme reaction, then you may not have heard what the conservatives said about liberals at this year’s CPAC meeting. One congressman voiced the belief that all liberals should “self deport” themselves from the United States. Ultra-conservative pundit/commentator/general-pain-in-the-ass-bitch Ann Cunter (er, Coulter) said that liberal women should not be allowed to run for public office since they cry in public. Excuse me, but has she seen John Boehner lately? I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely NOT feeling the love from the right wing.

Oh, there were some interesting highlights from this year’s CPAC. GOP ruler of the world wannabe and big game hunter Newt Gingrich used a candle and a light bulb as props to demonstrate the Republican Party has the right principles but the wrong ideas; no wait, the candle was the old ideas, and the light bulb was the new ideas that the party needs to; no wait, that wasn’t quite it either, it’s the party has old candles, but they really need new light bulbs…OH FOR GOD’S SAKE, NEWT! WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST USE AN EMPTY CHAIR LIKE CLINT EASTWOOD DID TO LAMPOON YOUR PARTY’S LEADERSHIP?

Of course, the Divine Sarah also made an appearance brought to you by 7-Eleven’s Big Gulp. Ms. Palin wowed the crowd in her skin-tight jeans, and may have scored a few points with her convenience store product placement. Still, she got double political mileage when she sipped on her Big Gulp in mid speech (a tip of the hat to Marco Rubio) before making a disparaging reference against New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who saw his initiative to outlaw Big Gulp drinks in the Big Apple go up in judicial flames this week.

Sorry, Mr. Bloomberg, but apparently size does matter!

Otherwise, it was the same old retread of Tea Party ideas (their motto has got to be “Government Paralysis Forever!”) trotted out by yesterday’s losers (Romney, Ryan, Santorum, Trump and Bachmann) and tomorrow’s Tea Party darlings (Walker, Jindal, and Bush [Jeb]).  New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was particularly conspicuous in his absence; ironic, given his high approval ratings and name recognition factor. Ah, but Christie dares to reach out to the other side and (yes, I’ll use the dreaded “c” word) compromise to get government working for the people again and actually solve our problems. 

Alas, the Tea Party considers compromise a big no-no, which should signal their decline into irrelevance sometime in the next election cycle or two. A liberal can always hope!  Tea Party, please be a dear and go quietly into the night, or we may have no choice but to run you off the road.

(Thank you for reading. Forgive me, Janey, for I’ve lusted over Sarah again!)


Anonymous Janey Ryan said...

Dear RTG,

I though of you just yesterday, when in The New York Times I saw a most unflattering photo of Sarah Palin, the Official Sex Symbol of your blog (I've met men of all sorts of sexual tastes, but yours may be the most disturbing...). She looked old, saggy, and double-chinned -- all of which made me delighted. (Paul Ryan, however, is holding up beautifully.)

Concerning the first part of this posting: driving a vehicle with a Romeny 2012 bumper sticker is its own special hell, so just drive by laughing, my friend; give a shout of "four more years!" if you'd like!

I'm enjoying Spring Break today!
(Yes, Paul, I'll be back in bed in a moment...!)


March 18, 2013 at 9:27 AM  

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