Life After Michelle

My blog should have been thrown into a crisis mode last week when Michelle Bachmann announced that she would not seek re-election. Bachmann is, whether she realizes it or not, one of the biggest contributors of material to my blog. Without her on the national scene, how will I write my entries with the recurring theme, “Conservative Republicans Who Say the Stupidest Things?” All seemed lost until…

Marsha Blackburn (R-from a state that doesn’t have the cojones to step forward yet and own up to electing her) stated in a roundabout way on this past Sunday’s talk show, Meet The Press, that women don’t want equal pay laws. When asked if she would support a law promoting workplace gender equality (read: financial reimbursement commiserate with the salary/pay given to male employees doing the same work), the representative stated that women would prefer that companies recognize them and not have these decisions made by Washington.

 

Well! You decide to tell us this now, after we’ve given women the right to vote, allowed them to work outside the home, and elevate them to positions of power? Thank you, Ms. Blackburn, for throwing 100 years of progress into the toilet!

Blackburn’s remarks don’t jive with the calls to remake the GOP image from the rest of the Republican leadership. Last week, former Senate Majority Leader and Presidential Runner-Up Bob Dole stated that the GOP should be closed for repairs while it creates a new agenda. Current Republican National Committee chairman and 2012 winner of the National Political Leader Weird Name Award Reince Priebus countered on Sunday that the GOP is open for repairs. Maybe these two gentlemen should retire to a neutral corner until they agree on a unifying message. On the other hand, perhaps Dole and Priebus should stop pulling nails out of the GOP coffin, since Blackburn seems quite content to hammer more nails on the casket’s other end.

Ah, where are those days of a unifying message, an agenda that everyone could put their arms around, join hands, and experience warm fuzzies. Paging Newt Gingrich, paging Newt Gingrich! Granted, his unified message (remember the Contract with America?) got everyone on the same page with its objective/word/sound bite of the day, but ultimately it was off-putting and self-destructive. In the end, Gingrich lost his House Speakership.

Now the boys are trying to repair their image, but one girl seems intent on keeping the Republicans as the party of Ebenezer Scrooge!

Okay, Ms. Blackburn, maybe women do crave recognition from their companies. I will go out on a limb here and dare to say that many women are more than happy to accept recognition from their bosses in the form of money, cash, moolah, dough, bread, beads, or whatever. As the old saying goes, “You can’t eat praise!” Tokens of esteem don’t allow the woman’s family to live under the same roof for another month. Employee of the Month plaques can’t be redeemed for necessities like food and clothing.

So go ahead, Ms. Blackburn, gather up your like-minded sisters and lead them back into the caves where they can be fitted for tiger skin loin clothes. It’s okay, the republic will survive, no matter what inanities you utter. Your party may teeter closer to extinction, but hey, narrow-minded rigid notions of bigotry and prejudice are so 1950’s!

Most importantly, my blog will survive to skewer conservatives for a long time to come!

(Thank you for reading. Clarification: Marsha Blackburn represents a district that runs from the suburbs of Memphis to the suburbs of Nashville, TN. You know, the state that gave us country and blues music, great barbecue, and the inventor of the Internet, Al Gore!)