The Typical and Stereotypical Pennsylvanian

Governor Corbett’s assertion that some employers can’t fill job vacancies in the state because many unemployed people can’t pass a drug test brought the expected torrent of criticism down on his head from the media and his political foes. Oh, why do the Democrats do this? Why do liberals engage in such destructive behavior towards our state's leader?

Because it’s fun and good for a giggle, that’s why!

The comments from politicians at the national level (President Obama) and the state level (Corbett, et al) give us a very interesting visualization of the typical Pennsylvanian. According to Obama, we clutch our Bibles in one hand, which for most of the nation’s history was considered a virtue, not a fault. It is certainly not something by which people should necessarily be offended. Are you listening, Fox and Friends?

On the other hand, we clutch our guns close to us; again a tip of the hat to Obama. While we’re on the subject of guns, let me digress for one moment. This is one facet of our American culture that perplexes me. In many rural areas of our nation, it is considered okay to give a gun to a five year-old child, which I believe is years before they are capable of understanding the finer nuances of gun safety. So it’s all right to give Junior a gun, yet bar him from engaging in behaviors that can be equally risky, like chugging down a Bud or toking a joint! Go figure!

Governor Corbett portrays many of the unemployed as grasping a bong. Then, based on a previous Corbett statement, many jobless Pennsylvanians have their hands out for unemployment checks, refusing to work until their benefits dry up.

Can you picture the typical Pennsylvanian now? For those of you playing along at home, this gives each of us living in the Keystone State…wait, let me count, one, two, three…four hands! Either Pennsylvanians have four arms to connect these four hands to our bodies, or we are extreeeeeeemely ambidextrous! It’s comforting to think that our elected officials believe that we are so well endowed with extra limbs. Yes sir, it just fills me with warm fuzzies all over!

Of course, Corbett’s political enemies immediately jumped on the comments. Economists pointed out that the percentage of job seeking Pennsylvanians failing drug tests is small; it’s a problem, but a very minor problem in the bigger picture. They believe the bigger problem is that there are simply not enough jobs being created to bring everyone back to work. Also, addiction to controlled substances is not always the sign of a slacker who can’t hold down a job. The governor’s comments ignore the millions of people who are gainfully employed and are still able to function while indulging in drugs or alcohol. I’m not necessarily saying this is right, but the stereotype of all drug addicts as slackers does not always hold up.

Corbett’s office issued a blurb clarifying that his statement was limited to the Marcellus Shale drilling industry. Oh, okay, then it’s just one industry in Corbett’s state that is not able to fill vacancies because residents are stoners. Oh, but wait, Mr. Corbett, isn’t there is more than one industry that keeps Pennsylvanians employed? 

  

What about the healthcare industry? What have you done to promote growth there, aside from refusing to expand Medicaid, which would have been fully funded for the first few years by the federal government? This expansion of healthcare coverage could have had a ripple effect in expanding employment opportunities in the healthcare field itself, but noooooooo, we’ll have none of that in the Keystone State!

Our state’s bridges and roads are falling apart! What have you done to nurture the construction industry, which could repair our crumbling infrastructure? Oh right, you’re now proposing raising fees for wholesale gasoline, which will get passed along to the consumer as a tax at the pump! Um, what have you always said about not raising taxes?

You have tried to privatize the state’s liquor stores, but there are all sorts of rumors flying around about how many jobs this will cost. The jury is still out on this maneuver.

You tried to privatize lottery sales by outsourcing those jobs to the United Kingdom! No, no, bad! Bad governor! You should be bringing jobs IN to Pennsylvania, not sending them overseas! Silly Republican!

Then there’s education, manufacturing, and just about anything else but natural gas drilling which could bring more jobs to the state, but I guess we’re too stoned to get those jobs!

(Thank you for reading! Hey governor, I’ve got two extra hands to spare! How about another job?)