A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Snort Bites June 2013


In an event carried on live television, tightrope walker Nik Wallenda crossed a gorge over the Little Colorado River in northeastern Arizona. The broadcast included a camera pointing down into the canyon showing his point of view, if Wallenda was courageous/crazy enough to look down while he walked. He also wore a microphone which allowed viewers at home to hear his verbal pleadings to Jesus to calm the winds swaying his rope, and general ongoing conversation with Jesus to help him get to the other side successfully. Oh yes, he did this on a Sunday, but that’s okay. Since it was a Sunday, Jesus was on duty anyway.

I can’t blame him for wanting to talk to the Lord while he dared the elements. I would have been doing a lot of talking to Jesus if I were doing this trick. My conversation with the Lord would have been more along lines like this: “JESUS CAH-RIST! WHAT THE EFF WAS I THINKING WHEN I AGREED TO DO THIS! AM I EFFIN’ NUTS?”

Imagine being born a Wallenda, and you’re expected to go into the family business of doing stunts that are, oh how can I put this delicately, batshit crazy! Perhaps it’s a genetic trait, being born with a hot-blooded passion to thrill audiences all over the world. Yeah, it must be genetic: the family may not carry the sanity gene!


Former National Security Administration contractor Edward Snowden originally fled to Hong Kong when The Guardian published information he furnished about the NSA's tracking phone calls within the United States. Since the story broke, many have hailed him as a hero, dealing a blow to government intrusion. Still others have denounced him as a traitor, dealing a blow to security and safety.

In more recent days, Snowden left the comfort of Hong Kong for what was rumored to be political asylum in Ecuador via Moscow and Havana. Now there are accounts stating that he wasn’t on the plane to Cuba after all.

Now there’s an idea for a slogan: “Betray your country! See the world!”

Perhaps the story of a flight to Ecuador will prove to be just another rumor. We at arteejee feel obligated to squelch these additional rumors about Edward Snowden. It is not true that Snowden booked a flight for Moscow on Ethel and Julius Rosenberg Airlines. It is also not true that Snowden’s favorite dessert is pumpkin pie baked from a recipe handed down from Alger Hiss. Ditto for the story that Lenin is his favorite Beatle.

Perhaps I’m tipping my hand too soon; being a liberal I should be praising him. Yet, I can’t feel good about this. I’m ambivalent about the government spying on me. For all I know, Big Brother has been breathing down my neck for my entire life. Why complain now?

Then again, there are just too many organizations — international and domestic — who are bent on killing Americans. The work by the NSA might prevent the next Oklahoma City-style massacre, or the next 9/11 attack. Or perhaps I should withhold judgment on Snowden at least until the next time when thousands of us are in the wrong place at the wrong time and become victims of instant incineration.


Deen, a mainstay of the Food Network for nearly 20 years, recently admitted to using "the n-word” in a deposition for a lawsuit brought by a former employee at her Savannah, Georgia restaurant. The admission revealed that the lawsuit, alleging sexual and racial harassment, may have some merit. Indeed it may eventually be proven that Deen and company have a long history of being racially insensitive. There I go being delicate again…

Some aspects of Deen’s downfall smacks of irony. Leaders of the African-American community are forever talking about more honest dialogue between the races. I’m not sure what is considered honest dialogue other than white people standing up and admitting that they are racist. At this point, the white person loses his or her job, and their reputations and lives are destroyed. It’s at this point that Rev. Al Sharpton shows up, and when Sharpton shows up, you know that it’s game over.

So Paula Deen was honest and admitted to uttering "the n-word" 20 years ago. Now guess what’s happening. She lost her job on The Food Network, her reputation is being dismantled and she faces absolute ruin.

So the incentive for white people to be honest about their racial attitudes is…what? 
There seems to be a double standard at play. Rappers use "the n-word" in their work and people shrug. Oh, there is some sort of backlash, but I’ve never heard of an African-American artist’s career come to a complete and irrevocable end because they use "the n-word".

If Deen is suffering these indignities because she uttered "the n-word" years ago, then society is using the wrong reason to condemn her. In a perfect world, we could rely on the use of this word as a clear sign of racism. Unfortunately, the world is more complex than that. I know someone who regularly uses the word, but has had several close relationships with African-Americans over the years, so I cannot consider this person a racist. Yet, many others would condemn him.  

If, however, Deen is being subjected to professional ruin because of racially insensitive ACTIONS, then yes, we got her good now! Even Rev. Al made this eloquent differentiation between her words years ago, and her actions now, during an appearance on MSNBC’s Morning Joe. It is her actions which will carry more weight as the lawsuit (and for that matter, public opinion) against her moves forward. When this is all said and done, Deen should be offered a shot at salvation and redemption.

(Thank you for reading. Amen, Rev. Al, amen!)


Blogger David Jeffreys said...

Paula Deen, you've got to be PC at all times, even going back 20 years, because if you express your Southern feelings, you're out of a job!

I'm ambivalent about Snowden also. On the one hand, he is a hero for letting us know that our government does the same thing as Google, facebook, and all businesses, etc. But on the other hand, we don't know what other secrets he may let out that will compromise U.S. world security, making him a traitor.

As to Wallenda, crazy is as crazy does, and even if I inherited those genes, I could learn to say NO! Survival of the fittest or Darwinism at work. Just how many Wallendas have died???


June 25, 2013 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I couldn't agree more with you on the 3 subjects. Whatever Paula Deen said, I couldn't be happier to have her gone from the Food Network. I don't have to listen to her anymore while rushing to turn off the TV or change channel after watching Ina Garten.

June 26, 2013 at 7:55 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you David for your observations. I've lost count of how many Wallendas have died on the job. I'm sure someone must be keeping that statistic somewhere....

Thank you Nadege for finding a silver linintg in Paula Deen's downfall.

June 26, 2013 at 6:55 PM  

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