Gasoline Overpriced Party

Any day now, I expect to hear that the number one (1) will be retired from its dollar place on service station signs across the country. As we all know, the price of gasoline is hovering just below $3.00 per gallon all over America. While the price may go down in the future, it appears that we may never see gasoline under $2.00 per gallon again.

I can just imagine the retirement party now. It will be a lavish affair held in Houston (natch). Oil company executives, their lawyers, their lobbyists, and political allies in the GOP (Gasoline Overpriced Party) would attend. Champagne would flow everywhere, and Las Vegas showgirls dressed as oil riggers would jump out of huge cakes. There would be a videotaped tribute tracing number one’s humble start during the energy crisis of the 70s, its glory days in the 80s, and the more recent years of dormancy as it waited for the number two (2) to tire out and rest. There would probably even be a phone call from the President, wishing number one well and joking, “Gee, I hope I didn’t do anything to force you out! Ha! Ha!”

We can’t deny it any longer. The number one will not appear in its old reliable dollar space on service station signs anytime soon. However, we mustn’t feel sorry for our empty wallets and ourselves. We must wish number one well as it retires to its Boca Raton condo where it will bore its grandchildren to death with tales of the odd/even days of gas rationing. I’m getting sentimental already. Please excuse me now...can’t go on...