arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

...And All The World’s a TEA!

The first annual Tea Party Shakespeare Festival is coming soon! See and hear the most watched and most listened-to voices of our time give their unique interpretations of the Bard’s greatest hits! For example, thrill to Sarah Palin in the role she was born to play: Lady Macbeth!

Lady Macbeth: I stand here today to refudiate the king and his socialist tyranny. His continent dost confuse and dismay.

Court Jester (as played by Newt Gingrich): Yay, nuncle! He is like a young prince with unlimited resources to spend on his agenda! But one moment, my ladyship! Did you mean to say countenance instead of continent?

Lady Macbeth: Silence, you washed-up back-bench bomb-hurler! Your japes bore me! I know what I say and I say what I know!

Jester: (aside) Aye, 'tis what frightens me!

Lady Macbeth: Silence again, fool! I go to the palace! Summon my ride!

Jester: Court! Court! Stand ready and bring forth my ladyship’s moose!

Or Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston as the star-crossed lovers, Romeo and Juliet!

Juliet: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou!

Romeo: It is I, Romeo! Back from the coast spreading my seed, allowing my loins to be viewed by the ladies of the court, and making merry so that the scribes could recount my frivolous deeds!

Juliet: Oh, Romeo! You bring dishonor to this house and sorrow to my brow! How canst I comprehend all of your words? Your boasts overtax my mind! Me thinks you are not ready to become the man I need, a husband and father, a friend and lover!

Romeo: Oh, duh!

Or the tragedy of Hamlet as portrayed by Andrew Breitbart!

(Hamlet enters stage right)

Hamlet: To be or-

(Hamlet exits stage left)

Or who could forget this classic scene by the Bard!

Three Witches (together): Bubble, bubble! Toil and trouble!

First Witch (Rush Limbaugh): What spell shall we cast on the afeared masses?

Second Witch (Glenn Beck): The hordes overrunning our borders? The king’s proclamations of hope and change?

Third Witch (Bill O’Reilly): Aye, that and throw the violence of radicals into the brew! Lest those men who like other men be allowed to make merry together!

First Witch: Sisters, our ingredients may be suspect. Can we vouch safe for this toxic stew we spoon feed to the masses?

Third Witch: What cares do we have for the sources of our frenzies! Our enemies will despise us no matter; their reviews will dash us to the boulders of the wretched sea!

Second Witch: Aye, the rating’s the thing!

Three Witches: Bubble, bubble! Toil and trouble!

And finally a fitting climatic soliloquy!

Sir Keith of Olbermann: Arteejee, I’ve read William Shakespeare, and you, sir, are no William Shakespeare!

Watch this space for time and location of ticket sales for the First Annual Tea Party Shakespeare Festival!!!!

(Thank you for reading! Please remember, Elizabethan dramaturgy can be sooooo overrated!)

1 Comments:

Anonymous Janey said...

You must have been imbibing in that evil potion known as the "Harry Lime", O Revered Scribe of the Kingdom, to have conjured such tales of horror and tragedy! Off with his head! :-)

August 10, 2010 at 8:51 AM  

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