arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Songs of the 2013 Holiday Season


Seasons Greetings and with it come all the sights and sounds of Christmas. As I write this, our area is blanketed with a small accumulation of snow. All of the forecasters have promised that our precipitation would change to rain overnight and wash away our frozen flakes. I certainly hope this does happen. I have volunteered to work on Sunday, and if I have to preface my alleged day of rest with a brisk round of shoveling out my 100 foot driveway…somebody’s going to get hurt.

Oh yeah, lest I forget, Merry Christmas!

I know threats of pain are not in keeping with the season. Despite this revelation, we must take note of the newest holiday songs with which we are bombarded from mid-November until Christmas Day. At that point, we can return to our normal dog-eat-dog money-grubbing ways. Until then, we will pretend to warm up to the idea of “peace on earth, good will to men.”

This will be a challenge this year when you consider that, among the newest selections being heard on the nation’s airwaves this season, is a festive collection of songs from the Robertsons. I probably don’t have to explain that this is the family from the reality show Duck Dynasty, who have made their fortune manufacturing duck hunting supplies.

This show has been a huge hit for the A&E network, which does not say a whole hell of a lot for the intelligence level of the average A&E viewer. Still, I guess this is a step up from Jon and Kate Plus Eight.

Full disclosure: I am making these snarky comments without having viewed a single episode of Duck Dynasty. Okay, so maybe I’m not being fair but it works for me. I should state further that I have no intention of correcting this slight to my delicate psyche any time soon.

I have nothing against this family of ZZ Top wannabes; if they have found fame and fortune with duck hunting supplies, then more power to them. I just don’t find their lifestyle compelling enough to watch every week.

Anyway, they are capitalizing on their fame with the release of a Christmas album this year, entitled Duck the Halls. I read one album review, which revealed that one of the Robertsons plays their signature product - a duck call - for Deck the Halls, instead of singing ”fa la la la la, la, la, la, la.”

The reviewer did not make this up. I listened to a preview of this song on Amazon, and it actually happens just as the viewer described.

Yes, this idea is really warming me up to the idea of peace on earth and good will to men…not. I blame the Singing Dogs and those Jingle Cats. Oh yeah, the novelty of it was cute at first. Now we have ducks quacking, but it’s not even real ducks! Granted, the Robertsons have earned their place in popular culture, but they still don’t have the cachet of other family singing groups like, say, the von Trapps.

Now there’s a family with a compelling back story: climbing some of the highest peaks in Europe to escape political oppression. What did the Robertsons do other than crawl out of the bayou?

Judging from the album cover for Duck the Halls, they haven’t quite made good their escape from this environment yet. The cover pictures the male members of the Robertson clan standing knee deep in swamp water, clad in camouflage, ZZ Top signature sunglasses and beards, topped off with a Santa hat. A duck decoy, also with a Santa cap, floats nearby.

I hate to be a stickler for detail, but I can’t help noticing that there’s something missing from this scene. Alligators! Where are the freakin’ alligators? Surely they must have noticed these four strapping examples of Louisiana manhood lined up like meaty entrees at a bayou buffet. Yet they are nowhere in sight! I’m guessing the beards are scaring them away. 

(Thank you for reading! Anyone up for some swamp water nog?)

3 Comments:

Blogger Nadege said...

Don't be fooled by what you see on TV. Production companies scout long and hard to find these kinds of "families with personality" (Honey Booboo, duck dynasty, Jon & Kate +…) then armed with ideas (scripts), publicists, advertisers... they all get their 15 minutes of fame. Some people are really born to play the game well. The idiots are the one who buy into that crap. Even if these shows are shot in the midwest, it is still Hollywood at its best. Any thing to make a buck! And the dumbing down of American continues.

December 14, 2013 at 11:54 AM  
Anonymous Janey Von Trapp said...

I'm still pissed that I wasn't asked to play Maria in the recent remake of The Sound of Music! You and AnneMarie could have performed "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" as a duet!

December 15, 2013 at 7:39 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi Nadege! Thanks for the comment! It surely is a sad time to be an intellectual.

Hi Janey, Could you pencil us in for a limited fall tour of your Sound of Music revival? Anne Marie and I are already booked for a summer stock tour of "Dancing Queen."Thank you and happy holidays!

December 18, 2013 at 7:09 PM  

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