A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Tuesday, August 04, 2015


The next James Bond film is due out this year, and it appears that the producers are reaching way back into the Ian Fleming novels to resurrect Bond’s old nemesis, the terrorist organization known as SPECTRE. I can’t help wondering if any thought has been given to reaching out to the remainder of the Fleming oeuvre. A scene from the next Bond film might play out something like this.

Q: Okay Bond, here is your Walther PPK for your next mission. Try not to lose it. Our budget this year is tighter than a euro in Greece.

Bond: Are you kidding? Replacing one of these should not be a problem, especially if I find myself in America. Hell, I could walk into any pawn shop in that country and buy one over the counter. They wouldn’t even question my numerous psychoses on their silly forms.

Q: Well, you might be right about that. Now pay attention, you’ll have a new car for your next assignment. Here it is….

Bond: What??? That! That is my new car?? 

Q: Don’t scoff, 007! It may be an older model than what you’re used to, but it is reliable.

Bond: Not as reliable as my Aston Martin!

Q: Aston Martin! Now you’re the one that’s kidding! What have I requested that you do with the Aston Martin before every one of your assignments over the past 50 plus years?

Bond: (tired sigh) “Try to bring it back in one piece.”

Q: What part of that don’t you understand? There are no more Aston Martins. Every one of them we’ve allowed you to drive is either blown up, riddled with bullets, or comes back with disgusting stains on the backseat upholstery. You’ve voided the warranty on every Aston Martin Her Majesty ever purchased for government service!   

Bond: All of them?

Q: All of them! You’ve been through the lot!

Bond: All right, but this thing looks ridiculous! What are those things coming out of the sides?

Q: Those are wings! Just press the button underneath the steering wheel and voila! It becomes a flying machine.

Bond: Flying Machine…as in "Smile a Little Smile for Me"? 

Q: Enough of your juvenile references to 1960’s music pop culture, 007! This is all that’s available for your next mission.

Bond: But I can’t drive this! I have a certain reputation to uphold! With an Aston Martin, I exude the personification of testosterone overload, oozing with confidence, sophistication, and danger. If any self-respecting terrorist group sees me drive up in this, they’ll laugh themselves to death.

Q: We don’t care how you use your license to kill, 007. If they laugh to death, then so be it.

Bond: But, Q…

Q: But nothing, Bond. It’s Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or nothing!

(Thank you for reading. I can hardly wait for SPECTRE.)


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