A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Naming Names in DC

A potential sex scandal was ready to explode in the District of Columbia. It appears that a woman who ran a massage service is now under indictment as the madame of a brothel. She is threatening to reveal her client list in the hope that they will step forward and testify that they did not use her service for sex. Huh-uh! One official with the Bush administration resigned recently when his cell phone number was found on a listing of frequent phone numbers placed to her business phone. So much for stepping forward in her defense...

Anyway, we have no choice but to call the scandal off. The women’s phone list was given to ABC News, who determined that none of the names was “newsworthy”. Bummer! I was so looking forward to a hot summer of salacious rumors snowballing into Congressional investigations, indictments, subpoenas, denials, lies, resignations, and spin, spin, spin. Well, we may get all that anyway if the drive to impeach the Bush administration gains momentum, but it won’t be the same as a nice, juicy sex scandal.

Maybe ABC doesn’t consider the clients newsworthy, but fear not. We won’t let that stop us from publishing a partial list here in arteejee land! It is my hope that publishing such a list will enhance the journalistic credentials of my blog. Naturally I will attempt to do this without the usual journalism techniques of checking and double-checking sources, and verifying facts. Who’s got time for all that?

I am not at liberty to reveal how I obtained these names,* but I think we will find this very interesting.

(DISCLAIMER: Our lawyers have reminded us of the importance of protecting the innocent and the accused before they are accorded due process in a court of law. In that spirit, we have changed the names of those on the Madame’s list. Despite this setback, please rest assured that the truth will come out.)

1. John Doe
2. John A. Doe
3. John E. Doe
4. John I. Doe
5. John O. Doe
6. John U. Doe
7. John Sometimes-Y Doe
8. John Etc. Doe
9. Johnny Comes-Marching-Home Doe
10. John Doe (another one)

Watch this space for further developments on this story!

*Okay, I confess. I made them up.


Post a Comment

<< Home