A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, February 24, 2012

Washington Nationals Follies

Spring training has barely begun and many tickets for the season are already sold out. We know, because once again we tried to get tickets to see the Fightin’ Phils play at home, but the picking was already sparse. I’m not referring to good seats, I’m talking about finding any two seats, together, side-by-side, in the same row, within the same section at Citizens Bank Park. It can’t be done!

I know that this is a pitfall to the Phillies recent run of successful seasons. I’ve lost count of how many consecutive sold out games the Bank has seen since it opened, but no matter. I’ll most likely be reminded of it by the radio commentators when we tune in to the first home game of the season. Yes, these are the golden days for the Phillies franchise – for players, fans and management.

On the other hand, there is one club that hasn’t been quite as successful in recent years. Indeed, one report states that they only sell 60% of their tickets. Despite this monetary un-success, this team feels confident enough to discourage baseball fans from coming to their home games. The management of the Washington Nationals franchise has instituted a ticket selling plan which seeks to keep certain visiting team fans from inundating their beloved Nationals Park. Nationals management has actually displayed the cojones to name the baseball fans they want to keep out, namely, Philadelphia Phillies fans.

Seriously, guys, there are quicker ways of driving your business into the ground...

Apparently, the Nationals owners have determined that Philadelphia sports fans are undesirable and they are tired of seeing so many Phillies fans in their stadium. They must also be tired of selling enough tickets to meet their payroll or turn a profit. Their Take Back the Park movement will only allow tickets for visiting Phillies games to people who reside in zip codes surrounding the metropolitan Washington area.

There are several problems with this action — aside from the obvious and odious stench of discrimination rising from it. The action is flawed and may not prevent Phillies fans from purchasing tickets to the Nationals games. Who’s to say that there are absolutely no Phillies fans living in Maryland or Northern Virginia? Anne Marie and I lived in Springfield (VA) for years, and we were always Phillies fans.

Unfortunately, at the time we lived there, professional baseball was non-existent in the District. The closest professional baseball game was a substantial train ride away in Baltimore.

As far as Philadelphia sports fans being undesirable, I would admit that we do have a reputation for being overly rowdy. We have had one tragic incident in which a group of fans tanked up on beer beat another fan to death in the parking lot, and a second incident where another obnoxious drunk puked on a young girl. The owners of the Philadelphia sports teams have gone to great lengths to ensure that these ASSHOLES (caps mine) never sully a Philadelphia sports venue with their presence ever again. So yes, we do have problems, but those bad apples are very, very few among the many fans that root for the Phillies.

I would not mind attending a game at Nationals Park sometime in the future — when I have more money to spend on such things. I’ve heard some very nice things about this venue, being one of the latest of a string of newer stadiums built for major league baseball during the last 20 years or so. For the time being, however, I am content to travel as far as...Baltimore to see a Phillies game. The Orioles’ Camden Yards is another place I’ve been wanting to see, and this year my wish will be fulfilled.

Besides, going to a game at Nationals Park raises the probability that I’ll have to sit next to some snobbed up, ultra-right wing pundit like Charles Krauthammer! Ewwww! This thought scares the major league overpriced beer out of me!

So, Washington Nationals, go ahead and ban us, ban our money, forgo the chance to make your team profitable, and thereby build up a team which will win games. Winning games will bring more fans to your stadium, and with it more profits for your team and the league. I repeat, seriously there are quicker ways of running your business into the ground.

(Thank you for reading! Hey Phillies, we’ll see you in Charm City!)


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