A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Sour Grape Whine

Well, Mitt, let me shake your hand and say you’ve been a great contestant running for high office. I know you spent six years to get to this point and your friends spent hundreds of millions of dollars to help you win the office of the Presidency, and, well, you know, there can only be one winner. So thanks for playing, sorry we don’t have any lovely parting gifts, but that’s the American electoral system for you. What can I say, other than its winner take all. I know it’s not fair, but it is what it is.

Now that he’s gone, we can continue getting the ship of state in order again. We can…now what’s the matter? Who’s on the phone? Mitt Romney? How can he be on the phone already? He just left!

What’s he saying? I hope he’s being mature about his loss; you know, saying things like he gave the fight all he had, and he just has to face the fact that all of his efforts came up short, and the best man won. There’s no shame in admitting this. He should say this and say how we should move forward, trust the decision of the electoral majority, and all get behind our leaders to solve this nation’s problems.

He’s saying what?

Romney believes Obama won the election because he gave away gifts? Like what sort of gifts? Free contraceptives to young women? Free health care in perpetuity to black and Hispanic voters? Amnesty for the children of illegal immigrants was another gift to Hispanic voters?

WTF? So much for maturity!

Romney made these claims in a post-election conference call with his major donors, which I can only assume was intended to debrief his loyal supporters. Sure, he had to go back to his investors and justify why their large outlay couldn’t accomplish getting him elected. I realize he’s in an awkward position right now, but seriously, did he honestly believe that these comments would not be leaked for general media consumption? Didn’t the man learn anything from the experience when his comments on the 47% were leaked to Mother Jones magazine?

Oh, Mitt! Can’t you just go quietly into the night like Obama’s predecessor, George, um, something or other? Or Al Gore? Okay, Gore didn’t go too quietly, with his campaign taking their argument for a recount in Florida all the way to the Supreme Court. 
Forget I mentioned Al Gore. Bad example!

Republican leaders eager to defend their latest nominee for the presidency have rushed forward to support Romney’s comments. Wait, let me restate that last sentence so that it is more factual. Republican leaders, eager to distance themselves from a loser, have rushed forward to condemn Romney’s comments. Okay, that’s more like it!

My, how quickly they turned against him! It would be nice to think that comments, like Governor Bobby Jindal's calling Romney’s words “absolutely wrong”, is rooted in a right thinking concern for people’s feelings, but we here at arteejee must admit that we are also cynical liberals. Thus, we must allow the possibility that the condemnations from Jindal et al are also rooted in a need to proclaim their political relevance. After all, 2016 is only four short years away.

Romney really put his foot in his mouth this time. True, he lost the election, but he still could have contributed to the American political scene. Two former presidential aides actually suggested the idea that Romney’s expertise could be called upon to aid the Obama administration in getting America out of the economic mess it is in. These aides, writing in The Washington Post, proposed a dream partnership of Romney and President Clinton to advise the administration a la the Simpson-Bowles committee. Now, with Romney’s “gifts” gaffe coming to light, he probably should not hold his breath waiting for this invitation from the White House.

So all this begs the question: where’s my gift? I voted for Obama, and I didn’t get any sugar! And how come, according to Romney, Hispanics got two gifts: free health care and immigration amnesty?

Actually, I’m kidding: I did get a gift. It came nearly two years ago when Obamacare was passed. I can sleep better at night now secure in the knowledge that, in the not too distant future, healthcare insurance carriers will not be allowed to turn down prospective applicants on the basis of having a pre-existing condition. I know this may not sound like much — it can’t be wrapped up in a pretty little box like a female contraceptive — but I believe it could be very useful to me sometime in the future.

Perhaps Romney should follow my lead, and get some sleep. Maybe once he’s rested, he’ll realize that he should not have said such stupid things that the President won re-election because he gave out freebies to his base. The comments were offensive and counter-productive for the future of the Republican Party.

Yes, Mitt should get off the phone and serve a time-out!

(Thank you for reading. CORRECTION: In a previous entry, I reported an incorrect figure for the amount of money Karl Rove’s Super Pacs lost when they backed Romney. I said he lost $100 million; it was actually $300 million. Okay, so obviously he not only treated everyone to lunch at Chick-Fil-A, but he also sprang for dinner too! And Mike Huckabee went back for seconds both times! In any event, I stand corrected.)


Anonymous Janey said...

Any word on what failed Republican VP candidate Paul Ryan is up to? For I have the next few days off... :-)

November 20, 2012 at 7:54 PM  

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