A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, April 13, 2013


Earlier this week, several members of the conservanistas got their panties in a knot when MSNBC released a promo for Melissa Harris-Perry. In the promo, Harris-Perry commented that children are everyone’s responsibility in a community. A plea for more investment (i.e., funding) for public education was at the heart of her commentary. A wonderful idea, which any rational-thinking person might agree is needed.

Enter Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and Rush Limbaugh, none of whom I consider to be rational-thinking beings. Palin, in her ongoing quest to create more English language words a la Shakespeare, tweeted her reaction to Harris-Perry’s comments with the term: “Unflippingbelievable.” Flipping? Flipping?  Really, Ms. Sarah, do you use that kind of potty language at home in front of your kids?

Beck, extreme drama queen for the tin foil hat conspiracy theorists, was quoted as reacting to Harris-Perry’s ad thusly: “My kids do not belong to me. My kids are not my kids. They’re the community kids.”
Well, there’s something you don’t see every day, Chauncey. (All together now: “What’s that, Edgar?”) An entire family disowned on national television! Gee, Glenn, do you think you could have broke the news gently to your family in private first, before you told the world you were kicking them out?

Limbaugh characterized Harris-Perry’s remarks “as old as communist genocide.” Yeah, whatever! Proof once again that Limbaugh is so flipping high (see Sarah, now you have me doing it) that his logic is indiscernible to common sense.

Fox News devoted a lot of time to analyzing Harris-Perry’s ad and eviscerating Harris-Perry herself. How much time? Chris Hayes of MSNBC’s All In calculated that Fox News spent over 62 minutes of their propaganda week savaging Harris-Perry’s four minute spot. Now this is bizarre! We now have reporters/contributors/commentators for MSNBC watching the reporters/contributors/commentators of Fox News watching the reporters/contributors/commentators for MSNBC. 
Truly, this was a bitchy week in broadcast journalism! How long will it be until these beasts end up eating themselves? I’m tempted to tell both Fox News and MSNBC to run along and party together while the rest of us move on, but we can’t ignore the criticism leveled at Harris-Perry.

I believe her point in her Lean Forward ad was to highlight that when people think of children going out into the world, they only think of their own and not about other children. Obviously, this is not totally true. Many moms and dads volunteer time away from home to coach children’s sports teams, participate in school events, scouting activities, charitable children’s causes…the list is endless. These adults are contributing to — and please Ms. Sarah, Queen Glenn, and High Rush, avert your eyes to this idea if you must — the welfare and well-being of their community’s children. 
Despite all these good acts and intentions, there is still an overall attitude that many of us don’t consider the children of others in the community as our responsibility. I believe this is the message that Harris-Perry was communicating. And if this wasn’t her idea, then I’m sure she’ll correct all of us today when she devotes part or all of her show to the controversy that engulfed her this week.

If the conservanistas really truly believe that their children do not belong to a community, then refrain from the single act that binds all of us together in every community regardless whether we have kids or not: paying taxes. Wage duties leveled at the federal, state, and local level are funneled back into the education system, among many other ideas, with the goal to maintain and perhaps improve day-to-day living. Surely you don’t believe that THE specific dollars you pay to the tax man is used solely for the benefit of yourselves and no one else? No, it is my sad duty to report that all of the money collected at all governing levels, money from you, from me, from everyone in our community, is thrown into one big hopper where it is mixed up, and divided up into various programs that — again avert your eyes, Fox News — benefits everyone!

So go ahead, stop contributing to the welfare of the other children and the community at large and refuse to pay your taxes. Don’t worry, the government won’t mind, and they probably won’t miss your hard-earned capitalist dollars. Oh, wait, I just remembered something. The government WILL mind that you don’t pay your taxes. They WILL impose civil and monetary penalties if you don’t pay your taxes. Silly me, how could I have forgotten this simple little fact of civic duty?

Go ahead and follow your hearts, conservatives. The rest of us in the “community” will watch over your children while you do your time for tax evasion. Although I see a definite logistical problem relating to Glenn Beck’s children; finding pointy tin foil hats for this brood might prove to be a challenge. But, hey, we’re a community, we’ll figure it out.

Okay, let me get this straight now. Just so we’re all on the same page with the conservatives: Melissa Harris-Perry will come into every American home and take everyone’s children away. And oh yes America, keep your doors open long enough for the Obama administration to come in, take all your guns, and sign you up for a national gun registry as per Wayne LaPierre.  Have I got it all now?


(Thank you for reading! Flip off, Fox News!)


Blogger Bob said...

For my money, every time you get Beck and Limbuagh and the Mama Grizzly Bore™ riled up, you must be on the right track.

April 13, 2013 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Really, unflippingbelievable! Selfish rich hoarders who have no compassion and couldn't careless about Americans!

April 13, 2013 at 10:56 AM  
Blogger Harpers Keeper said...

I give you credit for choosing to listen to the pundits at Fox. I couple years ago I came the the conclusion I just could not face it any more. The distortions, half-truths, and out right lies being passed off as journalism. I invest that time in sometime else that doesn't make me feel bad about the society in which we live.

April 13, 2013 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you all for your comments.

Bob, yes there's definitely some consolation in pissing off the conservative right.

Nadege, and don't forget their most endearing trait: hypocrisy.

Harper's Keeper - actually I must confess that i do not watch Fox News that much. Chris Hays did a montage of the more outrageous comments of the week. It only lasted a minute; any longer and i would've become nauseous.

April 13, 2013 at 8:23 PM  
Anonymous Janey Ryan said...

Any excuse to mention your lust object, Sarah Palin, right, RTG?

What are hunky Paul Ryan's thoughts on this subject?

As a proud queer who is child-free by choice, I must ask this: Why do straight people believe that the whole flippin' world is to accommodate their sexual and reproductive choices?


April 14, 2013 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi Janey, thanks for your comments. The answer to your question about straight people expecting the world to accommodate their reproductive choices is unmitigated gall and arrogance...but mostly arrogance. We should look on the bright side: if there were no children we would have no need for teachers in public schools or even professors at the community college level...wait, did you say Janey Ryan???!!!!

We have to talk.... :)

April 14, 2013 at 6:35 PM  
Anonymous Janey Novelli-Ryan said...

It's not a true marriage; here in the ass-backward state of PA gay marriage is not yet legal! He just my bitch... :-)

April 14, 2013 at 7:57 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Oh, thank God, Janey! You actually had me worried there for a minute! :)

April 17, 2013 at 7:12 PM  

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