A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, February 03, 2019

The Sunday Morning Post (V.1; #2) - Days Without A Fall: 5

I reconciled myself to the fact years ago that I have always been a physical “klutz”.  I’m not sure the origin of this word, but I’m guessing it’s one of those delightful Yiddish terms which has permeated our melting pot American culture.

Despite this realization, I have, remarkably, been able to ambulate on my two feet (Warrior Queen would use the term “shuffling” when describing how I walk) for years.  Okay, so there is the occasional stumble over a wire on the floor, but there have been virtually no all-out, whack-a-doodle (another interesting term decidedly non-Yiddish), catastrophic falls.  That is, until this week, when I fell not once, but twice in two days.

To be fair, it was an odd week weather-wise, which I believe did contribute to conditions being more slippery under my shuffling feet. 

The first fall happened on Monday when I was assisting Warrior Queen in bringing in groceries from her car to our sunporch door.  I wanted to complete this task in as few round trips as possible so we could both get out of the cold winter weather.  I picked up the last two bags (out of a five-bag order) and took a short cut through the sloping grass section between the driveway and the sunporch.  The grass is dead and dry, but it must have been slippery, because I was soon landing on my right side, spilling the bags in front of me.

Warrior Queen did not witness my fall as she was putting her car in the garage at the moment of my accident.  She offered to help me up, but I waved her off.  I just envisioned my luck transferring to her and I would end up pulling her down with me I crawled a few short steps to the porch where I was able to use the outside wall to pull myself up.  I ached for a while that night, but a dose of PM pain pills allowed me to get a good night’s sleep.

That was Monday.

On Tuesday the weather had turned more winter like: colder and rainy, with the raindrops becoming sleet and snow flakes as I arrived home from work.  Our trash had been collected that morning and the empty can was waiting for one of us to pull it back behind the house for the week.  I pulled the day’s mail from the mail box, stuffed that in my winter coat pocket, and pulled the can down the driveway.  I thought I could get the can up the sloping grass surface, now coated with freezing precipitation, and in its place without mishap.  

What the hell was I thinking?  I couldn’t navigate the grass when it was dry, so why should I be thinking I could do it today when conditions were decidedly worse. 

Ah, where would we fools be without our follies?

The can slipped from my hands and toppled on its side.  I followed it down, striking my left knee hard on the driveway macadam.   The mail fell out of my pocket and all of us – me, the can and the mail – laid there momentarily allowing the freezing rain to soak all of us.  Warrior Queen was not home yet and I had to pull myself up, pick up the now soaked mail, and right the can.  Somehow I was able to get my car in the garage and get inside without further incident, the knee aching the entire time.  I have been fall free since those days early in the week, which should explain the cryptic title at the top.

I was able to finish the work week with some aches, and after a few days my knee cap has swelled up and I have had a nice purple contusion for a few days.   I have held off seeking medical attention since I have a previously scheduled follow up with my primary care physician tomorrow and a previously scheduled follow up with the orthopedic surgeon later in the week.  At least the latter office has x-rays on the premises where I hope I’ll get a proper diagnosis and a course of pain pills.

I’m hoping I won’t need surgery, but until next week…

(Thank you for reading. By the way, “Ouch!”)


Blogger Raybeard said...

Oh Jeez! The first was more than bad enough, but to have to go for an 'encore' is the pits - and at your/our age(s) too! One could advise 'better safe than sorry', but that's not much good post-event(s). We're all guilty of looking for ways to minimise any efforts required to do a chore but when we do so it many times comes back to bite us.
I'm hoping like mad that you've now already experienced the worst effects of those disastrous slippings and that any advisory checks won't show further remedial action being necessary. Keeping you in mind until (and hopefully not after) your next report.

February 3, 2019 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger Debra She Who Seeks said...

Holy moly, that knee does not sound good! Glad you're seeing your doctor and then a specialist soon. The older I get, the more scared I am of falling. It can have such serious consequences for us. We can't just laugh it off like when we were young. I hope it all turns out well for you!

February 3, 2019 at 11:26 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

Falling is bad, and twice is the worst. Hope your doc gives you a good checkup and all's well.
I, too, am a klutz; I trip over air. So I feel your agony about falling though, knock wood today, not the agony of an actual fall.

February 3, 2019 at 12:01 PM  
Blogger Deedles said...

Wow! Here's hoping for a good check up and excellent pain meds. I for one (after tripping over a neighbor's dog, and said neighbor assuring me he was able to lift my bulk up off of the ground) will never, ever laugh at those "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercials. It hurts and it ain't funny! Feel better soon.

February 3, 2019 at 1:51 PM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

Ouch indeed! I too hope this mends with the minimum of fuss.

February 3, 2019 at 7:16 PM  
Anonymous Old Lurker said...

I think it is time to get a "Keep off the Grass!" sign for your lawn, but I do not know who will install it there.

Here is hoping your poor knee will heal without more surgery.

February 3, 2019 at 7:53 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank ou Raybeard. I have received some encouraging news already, but I'll the details until Sunday.

Thank you, Debra. I've managed to laugh a bit since then, but that was mostly from embarrassment.

Hi Bob. Thank you for your contribution ton "Klutzes Anonymous". We'll trip, I mean meet here every Sunday.

Thank you, Deedles, for your wishes.

Thank you, Spo. I am mending, but this may take a while.

Good point Old Lurker. I may have to prevail on WQ to post the sign.

February 5, 2019 at 5:41 PM  

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