The “Decider” of the Free World

Once again, the leader of the free world has mangled the English language. In defending Donald Rumsfeld as the Secretary of Defense, George W. Bush proclaimed himself the “decider” on this issue, and that his decision to keep Rumsfeld was the best choice for the nation. Yep, our very own weapon of mass destruction of public speaking has struck a blow for confusing rhetoric!

While I doubt that the comic strip B.C. will attempt to define the word “de-cider”, I’m almost certain that it is not a real word. I thought his use of the word “evil-doers” was archaic. Every time I hear him use that word, I expect to see Dudley Do-Right jump out from the wings and exclaim with a melodramatic hand wave, “I’ll save you, Nell!”

So, Mr. President, how about using some of these more eloquent expressions to assert your authority:

“I’m the decision-maker!” Or if that’s too many syllables, how about:

“I’m in charge here!” A classic, but if Alexander Haig won’t give you permission to use it, how about:

“I’m the boss!” Of course Karl and Dick might get jealous that you are actually trying to take authority from them. If that happens, then try:

“The buck stops here!” Another classic, albeit a Democrat classic, but it would show that you know what you are doing when you pass judgment on an issue. Now that would be a novelty!

Please, Mr. President, stop making up your own language! English is a nice language, and while it can be awkward at times, it is the only one many of us speak. We want to be able to understand you when you communicate, because God knows we all need a good laugh right now.

SPECIAL NOTE TO CHILDREN: Hey, kids! Remember, whatever you do, DO NOT emulate the President’s speaking style. Follow a more intelligent role model for public discourse. My immediate suggestions are Yogi Berra or any one of The Three Stooges.