The Politicians Comedy Tour

The following is a transcript of auditions for a proposed comedy tour featuring today’s leading politicians.

JOHN KERRY: Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to go to Iraq, because it has the brain of a chicken!

(Take two!)

JOHN KERRY: How many service men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Oh, I mean, swift boaters! How many swift boaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

(Take three!)

JOHN KERRY: Damn! I mean, you want to see my impression of the President? Here goes, hrmph, “Duhhhh!”

(Okay, thank you. We’ll call you if we have an opening. Next!)

GEORGE W. BUSH: We can win the war in Iraq!

(Hahahahahaha…this guy’s brilliant! He’s killing me! Hey, I think Fox has an opening for a situation comedy. Are you available?)